Singapore

My dream of landing a job here, and earning SGD finally materialise.

Its like a land of opportunities and definitely an eye opener for someone like me.

I've been working for two months here in a humble mid-tier firm. Surprisingly, Singapore is not as scary as how people used to portray it. Fast moving, crazy people, materialistic place. Yeah, I cannot deny it, its pretty true in a way. However, I guess its more like a blessing that I am in this mid-tier firm rather than any Big firms, as people here are very much down to earth. I have partners acknowledging me in the lift, at the corridor, even outside before office hours. I feel so belonged, especially when bosses are able to call me by my name.

This reminded me of an incident back then in my previous firm when I actually smiled and acknowledged this particular boss whom I actually had dinner with before during his engagement. And to my surprise, he look away, totally ignoring my existence.

I dont know whether it i really a blessing in disguise as I slowly realise that I'll be shouldering lots of burden. With tonnes worth of jobs waiting for me. And being really incompetent at the moment, I constantly worry about producing disastrous outcome. Singapore tax is also giving me headache. IT'S SO FREAKING COMPLICATED.

Great news is, I am performing during my annual dinner. Will be dancing traditional fan dance. Lolz. Its a fun place to be now. And I'm enjoying every bits I am here.

May my days always stay bright.

:-)

Freshlook - Pure Hazel

My failed attempt with Freshlook Pure Hazel.
As I have mentioned in my blog previously, Freshlook colored contacts gave me a lot of problems, ranging from blocked vision to having uncomfortable feelings in the eyes.
Now, I hope the picture above summarised my frustration over Freshlook's colored contacts.
Take a close look, and you can see how the contact on my right eye has slided bit off my iris. Besides that, the contact lense on my left eye doesnt look like it fitted correctly.
I'll give a plus for the color as the color, Pure Hazel did manage to change the color of my eyes to some exotic looking cat's eyes, other than that, I am unable to sing any praises about Freshlook.
This is my first failed attempt with color contact lenses, however, I'm going to venture out to try other brands, maybe for a change, I'll look into Korean brands. I hope I'll get better luck next time.

Puppy the adorable poodle.

My mum came home one day, and told me that my neighbour has this beautiful poodle.
I asked her, "how big is it?"
Mum said, "go see for yourself."
So I invited my sister to pay the poodle a visit.
When I got there, my neighbour's dad was outside, and I told him, "Uncle, I am here to see your poodle. How big is it?"
And Uncle's reply to me was, " oh, you see for yourself."
Hmmm..I wonder why.
Then I heard him telling his daughter to bring Puppy out for me to see.
I enquired again, "Uncle,so it is stil a puppy?"
Uncle said, " haha..you wait and see..."

The door open, and out came this big poodle jumping up and down. I was shock.
Then I heard the daughter calling out to the poodle,
"Puppy come. Puppy don't bark."
Lolzzz..so, its not a puppy anymore. It's a big dog named PUPPY!!!

Life as an auditor - Year 1

After a year working as auditor, and next week mark my last week in my current firm, I guess it would be great to write a summary of Life as a year 1 auditor.

Auditors definite work like mad, eat at odd hours,sleep at odd hours and go through pile and pile of work just to meet the deadline.
I never quite understand why all the sacrifices for work. Maybe, its the guarantee of a brighter future?? Or because, the "kiasu" feeling, not wanting to be doing anything different from others?
Auditors are clearly overwork and underpaid. Yet, I can't help but to notice the growing numbers of new joiners every now and then, not to mention, the growing numbers of people registering for accountancy/ finance course yearly.

To date, my record for longest working hours, is from 8.30am till 6am next morning. Sleep, and then get back to work at 9am till 5am...which went on for a week. I am still struggling with myself, asking whether all these sacrifices are worth it. Because, I will only know it, after like what...5 or 10 years of tolling my ass off at work. No?

I'm leaving my first year of audit life here to pursue another audit life elsewhere. Still being the "kiasu" one, I refuse to change career path, holding on to the belief that audit provides a strong foundation for everything else in the corporate world.
And yet, part of me dread the idea or forcing myself up from bed early, and to work through late nights.

First year as auditor, I sure as hell has learned many things the hard way. I've been told for not using my brain. I've been told by SIC that looking at my work makes her feel like vomitting. I was very shock and hurt. But as time goes by, I realise that, you can't just please everyone. People make mistakes, they learn, they grow up, they improve. Its not wrong to make mistakes, regardless of it being careless and stupid mistakes. We all do that.
I stop caring about what others think bout me. I stop being bothered about whether I was liked by seniors. I sure will not care about evaluation anymore in the future.
Evaluations are bias. Its always on impression. and sometimes even taken to personal level.

In this one year, I have seen how people play the dirty old office politic stuff. And it really makes me wonder a lot, whether life is really fair after all?
No, dear friends, life is never fair. It will never be.
It will just get worse, you learn to be tougher, you learn to accept, learn to let go, and move on. Whether for the better, or the worst.

My cosmetic collections

I have been trying to avoid blogging these days because I think I am filled with so much negativity, I'll just emo my way through the entire blog post.
However, yesterday I went out for movie with my goodfriend Hooi Ling, watched Rise of the Planet Apes, absolutely awesome movie. We had Japanese food, and did a little shopping.
So I'm all buckled up for a more proper blogpost..and I guess I'll like to show you what's the latest cosmetic stuff I've gotten myself.

This is freshlook color contact lens. I am currently wearing the pair in "Pure Hazel", will take pictures of my eyes the next time I put them on. Freshlook is not exactly cosmetic lens. I am wearing the ones with proper power for my eyes. However, I think I might get myself real cosmetic lens instead as I've read many reviews on Korean cosmetic lens being more comfortable than these Freshlook ones. And, really, I can't imagine anything being more uncomfortable than Freshlook color contacts. Not only was I able to feel the lens in my eyes the entire time, they dry out pretty quickly in my eyes, and I don't normally suffer from any dry eye problem, so it kinda surprised me. The worst part is, they blurred my vision. I am assuming because the color on the rim of the lens kind of block part of my vision. However, after talking to another friend who wore real cosmetic lens, she said she doesnt have such problems with any of her Korean lens. So, I really don't recommend Freshlook.

These are my powder/ foundation/ BB creams. I have enough of products to cover my face from flaws, and from now on, I'd rather invest in good facials and products to maintain my face. Foundations only serve as temporary solution.

These are my lip products. I adore my first ever MAC Angel, as you can see, it is still well kept in the box!!! And of course, I love my Revlon Soft Nude given by Hooi Ling as a birthday gift. Revlon soft nude is very moisturising, and the color payoff is perfect for me.

People who know me well, definitely know my obsessions over blushes. But currently, I don't have many blushes in collection. I am trying to save for a Bobbi Brown shocking pink looking blush. I think that would need to wait till I'm earning other currency.

At last!!! My nail polish collections. I only have 5 bottles here. I have many more at home. I'm planning to buy myself a plastic drawer so that I can start buying more nail polish :-)

I hate it now that I have to place all of them in a basket on my dressing table. They have dust all over them. ARGH!

Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Concentrate

*Image taken out from google*

I've neglected my blog again!!

But yeah, today, is going to be a blogpost on my latest splurge.

I didn't get very good impression of Kiehl's product after using the cleanser, toner and moisturiser. The entire set of products did not do anything bad to my skin. However, they did nothing great either. I was kinda on the fence about Kiehl's products until I had the chance to stumble upon this precious little baby.

It's called the Midnight Recovery Concentrate.

It's described as an elixir.

It is actually a mix of many essentil oils that would benefit the skin.

I was skeptical about trying this product, as it is retailing at RM200/30ml.

But, I was lucky to receive a sample that lasted me for about 2weeks of usage. And, my OH my.... I truly love this.

I applied it to my face right after toner, before my toner is completely dry. I believe this would further help the face absorp the oil/serum.

After that, I would go about with my usual routine of pimple cream, moisturiser and leave on mask.

At first I didn't think the product was any great at all. Until I finished the sample, and thought I could live without it, so I continued my skincare routine without it.

I started realising, without this potent elixir, all other products didn't absorp into my face like before. And I find it rather hard to spread my moisturiser.

After a very frustrating week of trying to get use to night regime without it, I finally bit the bullet, and head off to Kiehl's right after I got my monthly salary!!! hah...and there goes my money.

I do not regret purchasing this product. And I'm stil loving it to bits.

I read many people use about 2-3 drops per time. Some people even claim to breakout if they use more than that. I, on the other hand, use 4-5 drops. And I think it works so much better with 4-5 drops for my entire face and neck.

Do get a hold of this product if you have the chance, or at least, get a sample!!!

Help?

I am contemplating moving my blog to a dot.com domain on its own.
But anyone care to guide me on how to do so? Like move my current blog, not just start a new blog somewhwere...

Thank you. (I am a computer illiterate, but I am willing to learn)

Not so good

Today I'm drifting in and out of my thoughts again.

Flashbacks are not always good.

I hate falling back to the same point.

I really wonder, will I be truly happy one day.

Nothing is certain.

It hurts to live this way.

I am always told, only I can help myself, but how.

Have I not done enough yet.

Faith is the only thing left to hold on.

I feel pathetic bout myself.

Acne, prevention is better than cure..

Sometimes, I really think the word ACNE, has been used too randomly.
People like to exaggerate on their pimples, always referring to little zits here and there as ACNE?

I have spent my very unfruitful days at home watching youtube, and I happened to see so many video clips on,
"how i clear my acne"
"my fights with acne"
acne this acne that.
And when I click on the video to watch....
These people have one of the most amazing skin, and I seriously cannot imagine how they can start their clips with,
"my acne regime"????

Anyway, so, after browsing through like tonnes of the video clips, I guess maybe I can just list down the few items that seem to work miracle on those youtubers, and share it here with all of you. So as to save all of you the trouble of watching all those flawless skin people telling you on, "my skincare regime to combat acne"???!
And to make it short and precise, just incorporate an acne treatment product into your skincare regime. Anything from these:

- Kiehl's Acne Blemish Control Treatment
- Peter Thomas Roth Acne Clearing Gel
- Mario Madescu Anti-Acne Serum
- Dr. Murad Acne Treatment Gel
- La-Roche Posay Effaclar K
- Dermalogica Overnight Clearing Gel

These products can be drying on the skin, so just be sure to use a good serum over it, preferably, a vitamin C serum or anything that promises renewal of skin.
OR, a hydrating moisturiser will do just fine.

See.I manage to sum up a good "acne" fighting regime without much hassle.

It's like rojak in my head now.

I have so much of mix feelings these days.
I look at life with so much negativity, I think it just makes me look like a grumpy old lady.
I complain and complain. Yack and yack for hours about how miserable I feel. How life aint treating me fairly.
I look around, I compare, and I feel sorry for myself.
Being sorry for myself, just aint doing me any good. I feel even worse off.

It is so bad to the extend, I prefer to go out alone. Unless I'm accompanied by really good and close friends, if not, I'd really rather be alone, shopping, watching movie, etc.
I hate it that I need to act like I'm so happy, I need to fake a smile every now and then, so that people don't feel irritated by me grieving over the past.
Doing things alone, I can pause awhile, stare into space, allow myself to digest some of the facts in life. Some of the happenings. Some of the truth. ....I have been running away from.

The echoing of a great friend's advice, is still very fresh in my mind.
" You need to be honest to yourself. Face the truth. Suffer from the hurt. And then you will heal."

Is it really true, that when we start changing our perspective about life, about misfortune that befalls us, we will be happier, and live a more fruitful life? Looking at everything bad into something to be joyful about?

My bestfriend believes that everything happens for a reason.
My religious friend believes everything happens for a cause. KARMA.

It would be more comforting to hold on to the former, than to the latter. Cause then, I will feel even more miserable, thinking and reflecting on what have I done to deserve all that is happening now.

Talking bout perspective.

Was my bday few days ago. I did not have any celebrations. I work late.
I felt so upset.
I had to literally beg a friend to take dinner with me.
I kept going about it...that my bday is so pathetic.
Finally, I guess my friend couldn't keep her patience, she questioned me,
"do u realise, you are very pessimistic?"
"I am eating with u now, and I'm buying u dinner with a slice of cake"

Yes. I failed to see that, on a brighter side, I had tonnes of friends wishing me. And at least, I had a friend who was willing to take dinner with me, and I had a slice of my favourite chocolate indulgence!!

I can't live like this forever. I need help.

Disappointed.

I am so disappointed with friends around me now.
Is it true that people move on to a different direction at certain point in life? And forget their friends whom they used to laugh and talk to everyday?
I feel hurt that sometimes, approaching close friends to talk, just simply lead them to misunderstand me as having "issues" to talk about.
Can't I chat with them if I am free, and so happen to see them on MSN?

My mere "Hi!" or "Hey" or "Hello"
received response like this, "Now what?" or worse still, "what do you want?"

I believe so much that I am blessed with great friends, and now I come to realization, people change. They move forward. And it is me, the only one, who chooses to so stubbornly stand at the same spot.

Where have I been

I haven't been updating my blog for a very long time, I know.
Wasn't really in the mood to do so.
When I tried to log in, I was actually wondering whether my username and password can still be used....

I dont know whether it's just me being ungrateful, or it is true that I am plain unlucky in life.
As hard as I tried to prove myself worthy of my existence in the office, or rather, as a team member, I realise, conflict arises wherever I go. Many times I tried to reflect on mistakes, and unfortunate situation that befalls me, I dont go about pointing fingers blaming on one party. However, no matter how hard I tried to work, and amend mistakes, I don't think I was given the fair chance to redeem myself. I feel so demotivated.
Sometimes, I really can't justify working over weekends and late nights, right after being told off that I would be evaluated badly for mistakes I made because I wasn't competent enough during work. Sometimes I wonder, do people even evaluate themselves first, to see whether they themselves, give clear and proper guidance. To take a minute, step back and recall that once, they were just the same. As blur as I am now. As inefficient as I am now.

It truly amazes me, how people can change as they slowly gain recognition and position. From low level assoicate to senior, and eventually to assistant manager, manager, and so on. When they finally comprehend the entire situation, and understand everything on how a company works, they forget that there are lower level associates who have not achieved THEIR level of understanding YET, due to lack of experience. These associates will be just as good as THEM given the amount of time, proper guidance and exposure. I dare say, maybe even better than these bunch of high level people who apparently forget how they, as human, made mistakes too.

I hate people who take conflict during work so personally, they go all out to make your life miserable.

Very much like a robot

I wake up everyday, going about the same routine.
Stare at the ceiling for some time, before I drag myself out from bed, get ready for work, stare again into my cupboard with almost not many work attires to choose from.
Since when have I stopped having interest in clothes? I have been so occupied with work, shopping has been the last thing on my mind.
Everyday,I constantly complain like a machine, tuned to go about grumbling bout the same issue over and over. I hate my life, I find fault with myself, I allow myself to go deeper and deeper into miseries, I have lost control over my own emotion. And days after days, I hate myself for becoming someone I didn't know I could be. A personality I never thought existed in myself all this while.
What happen to that happy-go-lucky girl?
What happen to the girl who used to be so contented with life, she didn't think she needed any changes at all?
What happen to the girl who loved going out, be it late night parties, or just occasional drinking sessions?
What happen to the girl who made shopping the ultimate love of her life?
WHAT HAPPEN TO ME?

Trying so hard each day, to patch my life back, bit by bit, it is painful, tiring and very mentally exhausting. All the confusions I have inside myself, my bundled up emotions, the emotional baggage I carry, and the drifting thoughts I have, I don't know where my life is leading to.

I guess I have made history in my life by exhausting friends of their patience to console me, to comfort me, and to tell me, everything will be ok.
I feel so miserable deep inside. With all the unachieved dream I have. All the hope and effort I put into things I do, leading to negative consequences in the end.
As much as I want to lead a simple and normal life, there is just the greed in me, that yearns for something more.

Life is so frustrating when one after another events happen, making me understand that,
"EVERY SUCCESS COMES WITH HARDWORK. BUT NOT EVERY HARDWORK ENDS WITH SUCCESS."

Ning and her awesome friends

After realising I have more than half of my friends being "banana", and by me moving my blog to a 100% chinese writing blog, I seem to have really achieved my objective in stopping friends to read bout my personal life.
But then again, it pretty much look to me that I am in control of what to blog. So, I guess, my move to close down this blog permanently is not that wise after all.
Therefore, I plan to continue blogging here..

I went to Singapore for a short trip. For many reasons I do not want to disclose here, but of course, one very obvious reason, is to spend time with my bestfriend, Ning.

In this picture, there are four of us, with the other two being Ning's very good friends, who happened to make my stay in Singapore an awesome one too. Besides them, I have my very own best roommate, Yin Tee jie, and best college mate, Wei Jian, who took the trouble to meet up with me, and ensure my trip there was a splendid one too.

I am glad that I have such great friends, I am starting to think, life isn't treating me that bad after all.

Moved.

I have moved to another blog.
It is somewhere very few of you would expect me to end up.
If you are a loyal reader of mine, and would like to follow my blog (provided you understand what I write in my new blog..:-p) , do send me a message at:
erny_tan87@hotmail.com
to request for my new blog link.

Thank you.
and till then, take care.

This feeling sucks

People often say, when you hit rock bottom, what will the next thing to happen?
Is that you go up.

How true is that? When I analyse my life, and to realise that I have been hitting rock bottom for like what? More than 18months. And I'm still swimming in the deep blue sea, all I can feel is, yes, rock bottom. Can't even see the sky above to even visualise days of happiness..

I look around everyday, observing different people in life. Some are simply too good with hiding and burying their feelings, while, some, like me, gets emotional very fast. Of course, the weaker ones always lose out in every aspect.
Recently nothing seems to flow with me. Everything is so wrong. I do not want constant excitement, and continuous laughter in life. But I guess, a little peace and harmony wouldn't be too much of a request??
Why do shit happens? To make you stronger?? and how? how does it even help?

I'm so not happy here. So.Not.Happy.

Dear God, is it too much for me to ask for some changes? Bit of enlightenment. Some motivation. Courage. And self realisation? Have I ask from You too much when I was younger, and this is how I should repay for it?