Monday, November 30, 2009
Now, even the heater doesn't seem to be providing any additional comfort to the surroundings.
I am so bloody stuck here, in my small miserable room, staring at four walls trying to formulate an acceptable dissertation topic. The two topics I came out with were bluntly rejected.
Sucks big time.
And presentation is due on this Wednesday.
Thank goodness The boyfriend is having his own reports to clear, so, we both could agree with less meetings and more focus on studies.
I can't wait till 16th Dec comes. That will be the time, I'll be rid of the burden of ACCA exam, proposal, and presentations. Cool.
And yes...I'll be heading to London for Christmas countdown.....rush to be a shopping fanatic on 26th Dec, which is Boxing Day in UK. And best of all, our confirmed plan to Czeh Republic on 30th Dec, which will include a hop over to Poland...and back on 4th Jan. Effing cool. And guess what? We bought the plane ticket, for a steal of 19pound, to and fro, with additional baggage charges, divided among us.
So, a rough idea of my plan, and hopefully, I can update my blog on much more interesting stuff soon. :-(
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
He has gone for class, and I am left in his room, with his password, room keys, loads of food, and plenty of privacy. I intended to blog a little bout US last night, however, his wandering eyes make me hesitant.
So, I have been spending numerous nights here in this small room, clad in his pajamas, as he claimed, my attire is ridiculously not meant for sleeping. Too tight (what do you expect from an aerobic pants???)
I guess the few reasons why I adore him greatly lie within the fact that he fits into my life like a jigsaw puzzle.
My stance, my belief (in red)
What he did (in blue)
I stand firm with my theory that, when you "like" (love is too strong a word to be used yet) someone, you "like" them for reasons you can't define. When you're able to put forth a whole list of reasons to it, therefore, when the reasons are gone, you shall NOT like anymore, no?
Take for example:
- I like you, because you're pretty. So, one day, when the guy meet with someone a whole prettier, does it mean, he moves on to a new target??
-I like you cause you have effing HAWT body. I'm guessing, when the guy hits the club, flooded with tonnes of hotter babes, he starts to suck them up?
-I like you cause you're smart.....so what if I suddenly end up becoming retarded??
-I like you cause you're independent.....and what if I have problems.....do I need to act independent by not sharing my problems with the boyfriend? Rid him off any burden???
So, when I ask THE boyfriend why he likes me. He paused.....started to do some thinking...then look at me with this shy look, and answered: I don't know. I just "like". I can't find any reasons. Apparently looking a little afraid I would be upset...when I burst out into laughters, hugged him, and said, "that's the best answer I could ever expect for"
I hold firm to my view that, trust is to be earned, and not given base on no ground. Actions speak louder than words. Thus, there is no point blindly trusting someone, when everything he does, cast doubt to his intentions.
So, when I just started off this very uncertain relationship, I made it clear to THE boyfriend, I DO NOT trust you. I don't trust people easily. And to my utter surprise, he gave me this reply : "It is ok. I will gain your trust, bit by bit...let time shows it.."
I always think that being in a relationship, one should always feel important to each other. It provides a good comfort for sense of security.
Once, I wasn't in a good mood, hnece I text-ed him to go online, I wanted to msn chat with him. Therefore, after a few chats,I asked him, "don't you need to study?", and I was given this reply, : You're more important. I'll chat with you till you feel better. "
Being in a relationship, means respecting each other. Respecting, in my opinion means, discussing with your other half on the appropriateness of your activities. Whether it'll make her feel uncomfortable, or in doubt.
THE boyfriend took this belief of mine one step further, when he actually asked me for permission to allow a MALE??? friend of his to overnight in his room.
It is really comical. However, on a positive tone, i feel very much respected by him. That every and each actions of his, he thought of my feelings first. Though in this case, it is a little absurd.
I also believe that when you "like" someone, you will not hurt the other party. You will think for that someone first....how your actions will affect him/her.
Just like how THE boyfriend got panic, when I suddenly got pissed off because he didn't pick his calls. When I finally spoke to him again, he said : "I am very worried....cause you have lots of things to do, I'm afraid that, you getting upset, may affect your mood to study."
And to top the list of why I adore him terribly, and what makes me conclude that he fits into my life like a jigsaw puzzle, is THE ultimate belief I hold on strongly to.....which is:
If you "like" THE someone, you can just sit there, or lie in bed, with that particular person, not doing anything, and just feeling the presence of your dearest beside you. Not thinking that it is a waste of time, not dozing off,falling asleep either, not speaking too,not attempting to check your handphone for messages and the list goes on. But just feeling serene and peace, and enjoy the quality time spent, having your dearest beside you.
I love the feeling of not talking, but sitting there, side by side, with slow music on, and stare blankly into space.
THE boyfriend could go on doing that for hours. And the best part is, I'll be staring into space, while he'll be staring at me.... *blush* ...it was awkward in the beginning, which just turn into something I enjoy nowadays.
I guess I'll need to stop here now...bestfriend might be online soon, wanna chat with her....till then...bye...muacks....and I haven't been following my dieting routine anymore, cause THE boyfriend cooks dinner for me everynight, and enjoys bringing me to eat everything he thinks is nice...and..yeah....i guess I'll be having sumptuous dinner dishes tonight....:-(....and our first official date to the movie-2012!!!!
This is THE boyfriend and I......... (yes, that's his dreadful looking pajamas I am wearing)
OOppss....and sorry people, I am not really prepared to reveal his indentity yet. :-p
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I know I should be burying my head into tonnes of books, but, no, I need to rest...hence, i'm going to make full use of my resting time, therefore, i blog. :-p
This blog will be specially for my VERY nosy friends...who have been VERY curious about what's up with my current status. Hah!!
But I ain't gona go into details yet...for I'll like to keep certain private things...PRIVATE.
However, I'll like to say that I'm very thankful to those who have help me once...to believe in love once more.
I remember, back then, when I kept questioning a friend, whether I haven't done a proper duty as a girlfriend. The need for me to comprehend the failure of my previous relationship took a toll on me. And this was what she told me:
" Someone who loves you, will love you for who you are. There is no need for you to change, or to do your best, try your hardest. Because, whoever that love you, will love, the way you are. What's the whole point of you trying to tolerate, and put up with things that you find it hard to accept? If you're not meant to be, you are simply, just not meant to be."
It takes time to see the truth in her statement, and the logic behind it.
I have finally found someone, who fits into my life, like a piece of lost jigsaw puzzle.
There is no need for me to change, to accomodate, to tolerate, for there is nothing bout me that he despises, and there is nothing bout him (yet) that I could complain. :-x
Ask any random girls, what is the most important element they look for in a relationship, and I bet you, the answer will be a unanimous one, Sense of Security.
Once you lose faith, you doubt, you feel shaken, you live in fear, you wonder..and that is when you start to be demanding. A friend told me once, as long as you can't feel secure in your relationship, there is no point of being in it. For both party will not be happy.
The girl will be demanding for extra affection and attention to compensate for her insecurity. While of course, this will lead to constant fights and misunderstanding, when the guy starts to think of the girl as being a leech. Little does he realise, that it is his action, that causes such reaction.
I never quite understand this theory when I was first told about it. However, now, I see the clear picture of it.
I was THE very NOT understanding girlfriend in my previous relationship. And all the while, I thought there was something very wrong with my behaviour. I demanded for good morning greetings every morning, and goodnight greetings before going to bed. I would make a hell of a drama when I didn't receive any. I demanded for this, and that, that and this....it was a never ending list of affection and attention.
And now I realise, there was nothing wrong with me. I was just feeling insecure and afraid.
Because in this current relationship of mine, I don't need any greetings to make me smile, and calls to remind me I'm being missed. For I know for sure, wherever he goes, I'm always the first thing that comes to his mind. :-)
I thank God for guiding me to him. Though I don't know whether this will be a lasting relationship or not, but, for now, I'm contented with the current happiness I have found. And if I'm blessed that he could walk this journey with me, I won't complain much bout it too. :-p
And yeah...to appease all my fellow friends' curiosity on my current status......
I AM IN LOVE ONCE AGAIN.
-Special thanks to all my friends for your unconditional support during my painful breakup. and i'm sure u people feel well rewarded that your endless support leads me to this one :-p- No???
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I was in a disastrous relationship. One that I could not get out, because I love too strongly, and yet, I was not happy, because I was not loved, the way I wanted myself to be loved.I spent months crying, and thinking that I'll die without him. Therefore, holding on to the vague hope that I would end up marrying him in 2 years time, I gripped on tightly to my already failing relationship.
Friends were there for me, constantly telling me to give up. It hurts them, to see how I shrivel from a healthy looking girl, to a stick-thin, bamboo looking fellow. I lost my appetite, I had sleepless nights. I worried so much.
And as things got from bad to worse, I was in anger, and I accumulated lots of hatred towards the guy, for not treating me right. And yet, I chosed...to hold on...
When everything broke lose, and the heart-wrenching breakup took place, my life was in a total mess. And never had I, a second thought that I could stand up again, and better stil, be happy again.....my life ended there. The clock stops ticking. I was a walking human,without a functioning brain.
My bestfriend told me, "Don't turn back....keep walking straight, you'll see light after the tunnel. You'll be rewarded freedom...." And all I could think off was, I am in an enclosed tunnel. There will never be sunlight.
Have you experienced it before? When you love so much, and it turn to a total 180 degree change, where you hated, and loathed the guy so much, you made up your mind, you can never be friends with him ever again. You can never forgive him for breaking your heart so many times, and the amount of pain he subjected you to endure? yeah...exactly....what I felt back then.
Little did I know, the only way to truly let go, is to forgive. And when you forgive, you stop hating. And when you stop hating, you stop recalling the past. And that's when.....you start looking at happy things around you....and start appreciating everything in life....and allowing new people to come into your life......and find happiness again.
I can't help feeling that it is like a miracle that I can type my entry without feeling sad, or wasted...or rather, any emotion of anger. However, I feel peace, and with a slight feeling of relief, as well as gratitude towards him for hurting me so bad, because now, I am able to look back, and not ask myself the same question over and over again, "Could I have done better?".
Putting blames on myself, was the easiest way to accept the truth that things were over, but, was also the most painful way to let go.Weird enough, I could stand up again in just 3months, shed no more tears, look at things differently.....maybe...we were never meant to be. And I thank God for letting this breakup take place, for I'll never know how does it feel like, to be rid off emotional baggages.
-u might find an exact same entry somewhere in my Oct post, that's because I posted it wrongly just now-
Friday, November 13, 2009
Yes...I so need to blog. I am very happy recently with life progressing positively.
I so wana share my happiness here with all my friends.
Too bad...sorry, I am VERY busy. Deadline for my assignment will be day after, and I'm stil checking my blog, and feeling that I should write something here.
Stay tune for my latest update.
I wana shout out here that, I finally comprehand the saying that, "Things happen for a reason. And it will always be for the better. <3"
Back to assignment...-econometrics!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I learned my lesson well.
So, I was at Boots, browsing through heaps of different cosmetics, and eyeing on their wondrous, various colours and textures of lippies options.
My bestfriend loves lipgloss, and I was checking them out to see whether there are any suitable ones for her.
I started to apply some, on my lips. *of course using my fingers,k....not directly with that wand,k....cause I know it is super unhygenic to do so,k....*
Gosh....imagine my shock, when I stared back at this ultra red,tomato lips on my face. I panic, glanced through the packaging....
Okay, ultra red is nice, yes.....if, and only if....you have full makeup on your face. And not when you're having this pale-looking bare-naked face.
I was stuck there in Boots, pacing back and forth, not knowing what to do.
But of course, I gather the courage, and walk out, hopped onto the train, and boomz.....home!!!
Any pictures of me with my wondrous, luscious lips?
Hell No. And even if I do have it, do you think I will post it up??
Sunday, November 8, 2009
However,I managed to capture some pictures here. Though, I must apologise for some rather not that clear ones.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
They said, don't play with fire, but it is human's nature to be curious, and that is why, we said, curiosity kills the cat.
I am playing with fire now. I hope, and cross my fingers on it, that I won't get myself badly burnt.
I am driving myself insane.
But it feels good to go up for a challenge.
Push yourself to the limit.
And may I learn something from it.
*post on my Fawkes celebration will be up soon*
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
That was the day, I had my audition, to qualify as a debator in my college. Sadly, I didn't get pass it. All I could babbled out was this few statements on "No man is an island", and "A friend in need is a friend indeed".
Now, I shall blog about it instead. I guess, it is always easier to blog bout things, than to be giving speeches bout it.
I don't suppose, many people will have a friend they can rely on, through thick or thin, and to know that, she/he will never forsake you.
As for me, I have always been blessed with great friends around me. And of course, one who has been walking more than half my life path with me.
It all started at a very tender age of 6...when we first met....in kindergarten.
I was the very spoilt girl, while she, was the one who gives in always.
That's us. Erny & Ning.
Little did I expect, for us to end up going to the same primary school. There were constant fightings, conflicts, dramas and all. 6 years down the road, we spent tolerating each other, and getting to understand our differences. She, the smart one, and I, the stupid one. *okay lah...I'm not that bad,k.....but in comparison, of course, I'm nothing*. We were lucky to be attending the same secondary school after primary graduation....and from there, we both blossom into our "twen"hood. She was the star, and I was often being referred to as "the short girl beside Ning"... like *duh??!! Whatever*. But, I bet, you people can pretty much understand it, after taking a look at these pictures.... Yay!!! We look like we're of the same height!!!!.............Too bad, the truth hurts....we are actually, VERY different
Lolz.....she was a high jumper. An avid sportswoman, who broke Malaysia's high jump record, when she was 15. I, on the other hand, hate the sun, anything that required exposing myself to sunlight, means, NO WAY AM I GOING TO DO IT.
My dad used to call us, 1) French fries & Potato 2) Bamboo & Panda 3) Si Panjang & Si Pendek, which means, tally & shortie in Malay.
Our differences are abundant, ranging from different taste in food, clothes, and even guys (I hope).
-I'll eat the cake, she'll eat the icing. -I'll eat the squid body, and she'll eat the tentacles. -i'll eat laksa, and she'll drink the soup for me. -I'll eat chicken and she'll eat the skin for me.
She loves food, and I love dieting. She listens to music, and I think it is a pain to the ear. She wears lotsa bangles, and I prefer to pile up on necklaces
So, as we grow, and slowly, into teenagehood, we attended different colleges.
I had to settle for a private college studying Accounting, and she, obviously, the smart one, got a placing in Singapore University, studying pharmacy. In spite of that, we kept in contact. Very often she'll call, and hear how I cry, and whine over the phone bout my problems. Too bad that now, I ain't gonna call her all the way from UK, because, after conversion, it is EXPENSIVE.....hah.....I'm just kidding......nolah, I am stingy. Yes, I admit it. I am freaking stingy, and hell do I not want to spend a bomb on phone bills....why do so, when you have msn? Sype? Facebook? Emails? I'll be happy with just snail mails too....
Look at us, I was leaning more towards my right, and she, to her left. And why so? Because we freaking hate each other now. You know...like *DAMN, I AM SO SICK OF HER ALREADY. She shadows me wherever she goes. I wana get rid of her from my life.*
Monday, November 2, 2009
Was coat hunting lately, and when I set eyes on this piece of "gem", I wanted so much to own it.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
"A Piece of Me" game.
So, here is a piece of me:::
I like: that I have been having lots of positive thoughts lately.
I don't like: that I am procrastinating a lot recently.
I want you to know: that many people think that music heals the soul, but for me, blogging heals my soul.:-)
I've planned: to start eating healthily, and exercise properly.
I want to say to someone special: Ning, I hope you get better soon. Though I really wish I'll win the chocolate instead, but it doesn't matter, cause if you heal first, I will stil get choco, right? *I'll make you buy me some :-p*
Lemme explain a bit bout this game, I will need to post a bit bout myself on every first Sunday of the month.
*cross fingers* I hope I remember to do so....Lolz...