Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Very much like a robot

I wake up everyday, going about the same routine.
Stare at the ceiling for some time, before I drag myself out from bed, get ready for work, stare again into my cupboard with almost not many work attires to choose from.
Since when have I stopped having interest in clothes? I have been so occupied with work, shopping has been the last thing on my mind.
Everyday,I constantly complain like a machine, tuned to go about grumbling bout the same issue over and over. I hate my life, I find fault with myself, I allow myself to go deeper and deeper into miseries, I have lost control over my own emotion. And days after days, I hate myself for becoming someone I didn't know I could be. A personality I never thought existed in myself all this while.
What happen to that happy-go-lucky girl?
What happen to the girl who used to be so contented with life, she didn't think she needed any changes at all?
What happen to the girl who loved going out, be it late night parties, or just occasional drinking sessions?
What happen to the girl who made shopping the ultimate love of her life?

Trying so hard each day, to patch my life back, bit by bit, it is painful, tiring and very mentally exhausting. All the confusions I have inside myself, my bundled up emotions, the emotional baggage I carry, and the drifting thoughts I have, I don't know where my life is leading to.

I guess I have made history in my life by exhausting friends of their patience to console me, to comfort me, and to tell me, everything will be ok.
I feel so miserable deep inside. With all the unachieved dream I have. All the hope and effort I put into things I do, leading to negative consequences in the end.
As much as I want to lead a simple and normal life, there is just the greed in me, that yearns for something more.

Life is so frustrating when one after another events happen, making me understand that,

1 comment:

Hayley said...

Hope you're alright Erny.. Hope it was just a temporary emo..
Cheers! Tomorrow will be better~