Realization.

Have you ever waken up one day, and come to the realization that whoever you're dating now, just isn't the right one?
And deep down inside, you know that in your quest to look for your future husband, the best thing you can do for yourself is to give this one up.
But as much as you assure yourself that you'll be alright, there is just too much emotional attachement involved, the courage you have inside, though growing stronger and stronger each day, you're still unable to convince yourself that letting go, would be doing yourself a great favour.
Instead of waking up each day, wondering into space, why you put yourself through such torture. And faith is the only thing that keeps you holding on. Holding on, believing that things will fall into pieces on its own. And believing that going with the flow is how life should be.

It seriously does not work this way. Yes, sitting here and whine till dawn meet dusk, nothing is going to change...unless someone do something about it. And if neither have the courage to voice out, then we'll both be jolly well stuck in our own comfort zone for God knows how long.

I'm just as emo as these pictures:

THE look.

No. This post ain't going to be anything bout look. I'm just trying to be creative with my title, and it's quite obvious that I failed miserably here.
Anyway, well, something related to the title, a picture of myself.


Life is just a mess now for me. I don't know how much to disclose here, knowing that my blog is made public, I need to weigh the consequences of writing too much personal stuff here.
But at the moment, I think I'm having a pretty screwed up time. Don't be deceived by the smiling photo above.

My lovely family.

It has been 3 months since I last saw my family. I never thought I would miss them that much, until they came to visit me. They were actually on their way home from Singapore. It was a short holiday trip for my sister. Dad insisted to stop by KL so that they can see how I'm doing.

Clear enough, I have put on weight. Not much I would say. However it looks obvious in photos and Ning told me so, that I look round in my big blog picture. That picture was taken by the bf when I visited him in Leicester on 4th Nov 2010 till 13th Nov 2010. It was a week's trip. I didn't manage to snap lots of pictures, because surprisingly winter this year came way way earlier than expected. And we were so cold, neither of us were willing to stop for long out in the cold just for some shots of the scenaries...which of course, now back in Malaysia's hot and humid weather, I kinda regretted not enjoying shivering in the cold.

Working life obviously took its toll on me. I spend at least 15min per day staring into the mirror examining my face everyday. Wondering when will the evil fine lines and wrinkles start forming. I put aside portion of my salary just to make planning for future investment in more reliable skincare. I don't fear aging. I just want to age gracefully.

But, of course, looking on the bright side, the one definite thing I enjoy about working, is that I have reasons to put on makeup everyday. The more I use, the faster it'll finish, and the sooner I can start going shopping for more stuff. I'll write more bout my working life next time.
As for now, I'm just thankful I have supportive family and my sister has apparently grown up to be a lot wiser and mature than before. And of course, being the ever so envious me, I hate that my sis looks good in everything she wears. Her fashion sense has imporoved by leaps and bounds. She makes me feel like and old aunty.

I'll be back soon

I know I've been missing for way too long.
I've been having too many things to juggle than I can with both my hands.
Pardon me, but I'll be back soon.
Really soon.
Just be patient.

<3

Photos

The boyfie has been randomly stealing to take candid shots of myself. I didn't know that until recently when I heard non stop clicking on his mouse during webcam session. So I curiously enquire bout it, and was so surprise to know he has a whole collection of my candid shots.
These are the few he sent to me for personal viewing. I thought, since I haven't been uodating my blog consistently, might as well just load these few pictures in.
Have a great day!

Work!

I haven't been updating my blog for a long time.
Work has been great so far. Training these days, with LOTS of test to sit for. I must emphasize. Very Very hard test. But it was great. Made many new friends. And people in my work place are really nice. I don't know whether it is too early to make the assumptions, but I think I've made th right choice after all. I don't hate the fact that I need to get up and walk my way to work. So I'm guessing that I do like what I'm doing. Though I was forwarned that when peak season is up, that will be the end of my happy days. Lol. But if working late nights mean working with a group of funny and helpful people, it is not that bad.

I thought I would have problem making new friends. But i was surprise that not only did I make many new friends, I could even joke and got along well with an aunty, and an assistant manager.

I think, the next thing I need to start planning, is to buy extra working clothes. Dress well, and it makes a whole lots of difference.

I'm really sorry to dear readers, as I don't think my blog will be updated regularly as I'll be busy with work. However, I will still blog once in awhile to keep my fellow readers alert of my life.

Till then. Love ya!

Ungrateful?

I think, it is just me against myself.
For the passed few weeks, I've been randomly getting upset over petty issues with the bf. Late calls, late replies, not enough attention from him...and the list goes on.
I don't know why, I'm just so filled up to the brim with negativities, that at one point, I thought I was suffering from depression, or rather, maybe I did actually suffer from depression?? Who knows.
Sobbing over webcam, complaining about the bf's lack of affection and lack of attention had been a daily issue until at last, thank God, I finally came to my senses that I need to have a life of my own. Either that, or I'll need to look at things on a different perspective. I thought it over and over, I told myself, I've gotta do something before it's too late.

So far, I've been on very good track for one week already, and I can see the bf is enjoying our webcam session recently.
Sometimes, I do feel ungrateful. I don't know why all the fuss over insufficient attention and the inadequate time allocated for me, when I think, he has done, what most guys can't do, or rather prefer not to even try doing.
It is a daily routine, out of willingness, not demanded from me, morning call to inform me he is up, and going to class. 11am+- he'll call to tell me he has a short beak. 1pm, another call to tell me he is having lunch break. 2pm+-, call to inform me he is going for class again. 4.30pm, call to let me know his class has ended. Rush home, webcam a short moment with me, then it will be my bedtime, and his dinner time. I'l sleep, wake up early in the morning, which is his night time, and webcam for another half an hour to an hour, depending on his mood, and mine.
And despite all that, I go about complaining that I feel neglected, Every. Single. Day, without fail.
Sometimes, I wish someone would tell me how to feel happy now, be thankful for the present, and stop worrying shit bout the future. Cause, obviously, I'm having a wonderful present, no?
All I care about, day and night, is to worry whether there will be a day that he'll wave goodbye to me for someone else. At times I get so pissed off at myself, because why wouldn't it be that one day I'm the one waving goodbye to him instead? Why must I be so negative? And why wouldn't it be that I'll be happily married to him instead? Why must I surround my thoughts only on how people will hurt me, and how I'm so destined to be unfortunate?

Giveaway Scout

I was invited by GiveawayScout to join in the the services they are currently providing.
Let me just brief readers about it, though I have yet to entirely comprehend the idea too.
Anyway, GiveawayScout described itself as:
"Giveaway Scout is a giveaway search engine. Our users subscribe to receive updates on the latest giveaways on the web. Add your blog and your giveaways will be exposed to our large network or users."

Anyone of you who are interested, just like me, (I'm handing in my application), can do it by clicking on this link:
GiveawayScout

May you people have fun!!

How?

How do you learn how to be happy and grateful for the things that happen out of your expectation?

How do you learn not to be upset, and anger bout things that don't happen when you expected them to happen?

How do you learn to focus on the positive side of life, rather than to magnify all the negative aspects of it?

I always pride myself as an easily contented girl. But truth be told, I am not. I don't even know where to derive my happiness from. How to live a fruitfull life. Or to even acknowledge the fact that I have almost a near perfect life compared to many other people in poorer countries, or to those disabled people we often bump along the way. I know very well that it is already a blessing to be able to wake up everyday and find myself breathing. Being alive itself, is a reason to put a smile on the face and march through life.

But why is it, in the end? I am still not happy.

Looking Good Is Vital??

I was having this conversation on how to spend your pay, when my friend told me he puts aside RM200 per month specially to buy clothes. Shock, I asked him, how many ways can a guy dress to impress? It is ridiculous for a guy to be spending rm200 every month on new clothes. As he explained on, he said it is to buy himself a new suit of working attire every month.
Finding that statement even more ridiculous because male working attire is so simple, no one will notice it if a guy has been changing his formal blouse or his pants.
My dad has a closet filled from left to right with all light colours shirt, and many different shades of brown, black and grey pants. But throughout my life of observing him preparing to work, I hardly ever see the difference even with him diligently pairing his matching shirt and pants.
However, one thing this guy commented seems to strike in me hard and sound.

" I makesure I dress well. I need to look good to give myself the extra boost of confidence."

This is one point I have noted, thought over it. And realised, my lack of confidence, could be stamped from the very basic of, I don't yearn to look good. No, I do want to look good. But wanting to look good, and actually trying to look good, is two totally different issue.
Being so petite, and standing only at 150cm tall, my bestfriend (170cm) has always been telling me, "you need the extra height. you have all the reason to be wearing heels. why don't you wear heels?"
I guess, I do desire very much to be able to look stunning, or at least professional enough when I go work, but because having this embedded belief that short people is bornt out to fail in looking good, I basically rarely go the extra mild to ensure I am well dress enough to gain respect from people. Or rather, appropriately for occasion.

I remembered doing my internship for this well established firm two years ago. I always look around and asked myself, why do everyone look so professional in their formal clothes while I could be easily identified by clients as a trainee. But my question just stopped there, without going further to the core of the problem. Now, looking back, I could see the whole lot what differences in my dressing with the people there. I wore skirts which are way too long and oversized for me, and I didn't even bother alterting them. I wore short sleeves shirt daily, while people were all clad in long sleeves shirt. And the worse part is, I didn't even know that working clothes should be tuck in, let alone to even iron them. I wore shoes that were fit for my mum.
Now i totally understand why did my senior said this to me:
she:" You rememeber the very good looking guy I showed you in the picture?"
me: " yes? why?"
she:" he has a girlfriend already. and I can't believe it. he is so good looking, why did he chose such a plain looking girl. she is not ugly. but not pretty either."
me:" like how plain?"
she: " like YOU!"
No, she wasn't joking when she said that. Ah, yes, at that point, it did make me wonder, does it mean, someone that look like me don't deserve good looking guys? Hmm...something for me to ponder....

This 1st September, I am going to start working. I have set my mind firm on one thing. No matter what happen, I must makesure, I too set aside some money to invest in my working attire just like my friend above. I want to look good. I want to go the extra mild to look professional. I want to give people a positive first impression. I want to build some confidence in myself.
I. Will. Succeed.

Confidence is an ongoing issue in my life. Sometimes, I just hope I am borned few inches taller, and I won't be suffering that much now. And I thought confidence is of internal factor, but mine, is very much affected by my height issue. When I was a teenager, dad even told me he pitied me, and asked me whether I'll like to go for surgery in China to "pull" my bone??
Maybe, I'll start wearing more heels. Maybe, I'll start reading up more on fashion for petite. Maybe..., all I have to do, is just learn to embrace being petite.

Fenling the perfect dupe for expensive brushes

You know you can never achieve great looking makeup without the proper tools?
I am a brush whore.
I buy, and buy, and buy.
When I was in UK, I either kept ordering makeup brushes from ebay, or I'll be randomly buying brushes off department stores. Boyfie actually asked me whether I was going to use them to brush my backside.
I splurge a lot on brushes as I believe the tools are just equally important as what you apply on your face.
However, my journey of collecting expensive makeup brushes ended after I return home, because in Malaysia, you can find the perfect dupe for Ecotool brushes (my holy grail brush). I have Ecotool powder brush, blush brush, travelling size kits, and the retractable kabuki brush. They cost me a lot, for someone who is still studying.
Let me unveil the perfect dupe for Ecotool brush, at a fraction of its price.

Ta-dah!!! Fenling.
Price at only RM20 for the huge, kabuki brush, and RM18 for the short handle blush brush.
I'm totally amazed by its comparable quality. Very soft and non scratchy. I really regretted being such an obsessed freak in my quest for buying Ecotools and Everyday Mineral brushes, because I could have saved a lot if only I've had stumbled upon Fenling brushes earlier.
These brushes can be purchased at Paradise Boutique along with other attractive accessories.
Go check it out people, if you haven't got any brushes yet. These are good investment.

Coach Bag and Wallet for sales?

When you're desperate for cash, this is what you do.
Sell whatever that is of value.
New Coach bag and wallet.
Bought when I was in UK from UK Ebay.
I have NEVER used them before. Brand new!

My price: Bag at rm590, wallet at rm400
Take both at rm1000 *special*

Budak kampung

I am bored to death.
My dearest boyfie will be heading back to UK tomorrow. And my dearest bestfriend has left Malaysia for Singapore few days ago. I'm left here all alone.
This explains it all for my stupid random pictures that speak it all on how damn rusty and bored and mad I've currently been.


*oh ya, that Chipmunk is my make-believe boyfie, whenever I'm chatting with boyfie, and I get upset, I'll punch this poor thing in front of him.*

My sunscreen reviews

I used to be called Puteri Lilin back then during secondary school. I hated the sun. I still hate the sun. And I bloody know well that I'll continue hating the sun for as long as I live.
Hence for my obsession with sunscreens. Any recommendation on Holy Grail sunscreen, and I won't hesitate to try it out.
For the records, I have started of with Clinique sunblock spf25, it did pretty well on me, though it made my face oily and greasy like nobody's business, I didn't know there are drier sunblock on the market at that time, and I diligently finish using it. Next sunblock was Biotherm makeup base + sunblock which cost me rm139, and it broke me out and caused my face to be so oily, I seriously think they should reconsider recommending it as a makeup base. I then settled with Dermalogica tinted sunblock. I was using it until I went to UK, and my friend recommended me the Dermalogica solar defence booster. From then on, I have been on my search for THE perfect sunscreen, and have yet to come by any.

In my current stash:

Za True White day protector, Dermalogica solar defence booster, and Liz Earle mineral sun cream.

Here are the swatches:











I actually prefer the finishes of Za True White day protector, very matte, and dry, and it actually makes my complexion looks brighter and smooth. However on the downside, I broke out from it. Not that bad, but I didn't want to take any chances of worsening it, therefore I stopped using it after 10days. Now, I'm applying it on my hands instead.

I hate Dermalogica solar defence booster out of the 3. I don't know why. I look horrible with it on. My face looks so greasy and oily, and feels very yucky as well. Don't be fooled by the light texture, it gives a horrendous result at the end of the day. Good thing, it didn't break me out at all.

I am currently using my Liz Earle mineral sun cream.. it is slightly too thick for my liking, because the texture is creamy. However, since it does not break me out, and I don't look that bad with it on, thus, I have no choice but to use it. Though I brush on powder everyday before I step out of the house with this sunscreen, as it does make me look a tad oily too.

I hope my brief review here will help readers decide on their next sunscreen purchase.
I'm eyeing the shiseido face and body spf55 sunscree. haha...buying that when I get my first ever salary!

Money Money Money...

Lol, and few weeks ago, I was asking friends, why wasn't anyone calling me for interview...and now I am here, happy with job offers, and calls for interviews. Haha...but I've very much settled for THE firm, since I've gone through with the medical checkup. Yes. Medical checkup that required my blood to be taken. I know, it will sound like no big to deal to most people, especially Ning who willingly went to the hospital wanting to donate her blood. But
needle + Tan Wei Ern= NONO...
I was telling the lady injecting me, I SO DAMN REGRET APPLYING FOR THIS JOB!!! Rawrrrr.....
why must I go through this medical chekup?? ARGH!!!
She replied me, "Then you should work for this firm untill you're old, since you have gone through with the pain" =.='''

Besides blood test, I needed to go through urine test, eyesight, audio test, and x ray of my chest. Lol. Final outcome, the doctor said everything is fine, except that I am underweight.

I have found myself a decent place to stay, and now can start dreaming of all those wonderful skincares and makeup products I've been longing to buy. Haha...

Anyway, people, I have lots to update, but without pictures, I don't feel like typing much.
So, stay tune...

Lack of inspirations to do anything

I have so many things up my sleeves recently.

With a HTC Smart that has no wifi function, though I've been weighing the pros and cons of selling it off, finally I've decided to use it instead. And there I go, cursing it everytime I see a wifi spot.

I have my first ever celcom broadband bill that needs to be settled immediately, and I'm still procrastinating.

Looking at my first ever bought Coach handbag and wallet I carried all the way back from UK, I am debating whether I should put both up for sales. They are new and haven't been used yet. I'm sure they can fetch great prices.
With the money I get, I can at least invest in something more beneficial, exp: a better laptop, or a white sapphire ring as a talisman against bad luck. I simply can't find any reasonable excuse for me to keep the designer stuffs with me, as I am pretty contented with just carrying any bags regardless of it being high end brand or just cheapo stuff I order online.

Still thinking very hard, whether I should trade in my HTC Smart and top up to buy myself a hp with, at least a wifi function....hhmm....but then again, I'm planning to subscribe to Digi unlimited online access, so the wifi function would pretty much be redundant. However, as of now, I feel the lack of wifi function is killing me.
Any suggestions??

A trip of fun and madness

I was so excited when I received a phone call from xxx firm to attend an interview. I have been waiting for an interview call, and being jobless for months have affected my financial situation badly.

When my friend Ling got to know about it, she jumped onto the opportunity to head down KL with me. We left on 12th morning by flight. Reached LCCT an hour plus later, with a "private driver" awaiting us at the car park. Lol...no no...he is a friend of Ling, called Vito. Lucky me, riding on my friend's good fortune, I had a free ride all the way down to KL.
Actually, besides free ride, I got free dim sum breakfast too! And free Hagan Daaz chocolate fondue. And free steamboat. And free next day's lunch. Best of all, free transport to the door step of the xxx firm. Damn. I should have bought a small gift for him as a token of appreciation, but too bad, my very "kering" pocket, and a long "to-buy-list" do not allow me to buy him anything in return. But I am sure, I'll work something out when I'm offered this job!! (starhill in the process)

Vito brought us to Midvalley, first destination. I couldn't find the the Romp shorts that I have been eyeing on. So, next place, we proceeded to Sunway Pyramid. There, I managed to buy the Vinnci shoes I heart heart heart so much, with the perfect size of 4.5!!! Can you believe it??
Unfortunately, the Romp clothes shop there ran out of size "s" black colour shorts I wanted. So, Vito asked the salesperson to make phone calls to other Romp branches. Found only one left in Sungai Wang's branch. We asked for it to be reserved!! hah...and off we went....
Stopped at Times Square, and walked over to Sungai Wang.

I think this is like the craziest thing I've ever done. Covered 4 shopping malls in just one day. And not even the entire day. Just half the day. I've never done that before. Damn. And if I were to count Lot 10 in, that would be 5 shopping malls!!

And, here are the pictures of the day....

Penang trip

Ning wanted to go shopping badly irregardless of whether it was just a day's trip down to Penang, or few days trip down to KL.
So, when she knew another friend was driving down to Penang, she hopped onto the idea of taking a ride down too. So, we went to Gurney Plaze for our short shopping spree, and caused me to suffer from bad heartaches as I fell head over heels for a pair of awesome looking HEELS in Vincci. Unfortunately for my non-existence cash inflow, Ning told me to reconsider the idea of purchasing the heels, or maybe at least postpone the idea till I get myself a job.
I went home with only one purchase of the day, a bottle of Shiseido- Aqua label cleansing oil.
Here are some pictures of the day....