I was having this conversation on how to spend your pay, when my friend told me he puts aside RM200 per month specially to buy clothes. Shock, I asked him, how many ways can a guy dress to impress? It is ridiculous for a guy to be spending rm200 every month on new clothes. As he explained on, he said it is to buy himself a new suit of working attire every month.
Finding that statement even more ridiculous because male working attire is so simple, no one will notice it if a guy has been changing his formal blouse or his pants.
My dad has a closet filled from left to right with all light colours shirt, and many different shades of brown, black and grey pants. But throughout my life of observing him preparing to work, I hardly ever see the difference even with him diligently pairing his matching shirt and pants.
However, one thing this guy commented seems to strike in me hard and sound.
" I makesure I dress well. I need to look good to give myself the extra boost of confidence."
This is one point I have noted, thought over it. And realised, my lack of confidence, could be stamped from the very basic of, I don't yearn to look good. No, I do want to look good. But wanting to look good, and actually trying to look good, is two totally different issue.
Being so petite, and standing only at 150cm tall, my bestfriend (170cm) has always been telling me, "you need the extra height. you have all the reason to be wearing heels. why don't you wear heels?"
I guess, I do desire very much to be able to look stunning, or at least professional enough when I go work, but because having this embedded belief that short people is bornt out to fail in looking good, I basically rarely go the extra mild to ensure I am well dress enough to gain respect from people. Or rather, appropriately for occasion.
I remembered doing my internship for this well established firm two years ago. I always look around and asked myself, why do everyone look so professional in their formal clothes while I could be easily identified by clients as a trainee. But my question just stopped there, without going further to the core of the problem. Now, looking back, I could see the whole lot what differences in my dressing with the people there. I wore skirts which are way too long and oversized for me, and I didn't even bother alterting them. I wore short sleeves shirt daily, while people were all clad in long sleeves shirt. And the worse part is, I didn't even know that working clothes should be tuck in, let alone to even iron them. I wore shoes that were fit for my mum.
Now i totally understand why did my senior said this to me:
she:" You rememeber the very good looking guy I showed you in the picture?"
me: " yes? why?"
she:" he has a girlfriend already. and I can't believe it. he is so good looking, why did he chose such a plain looking girl. she is not ugly. but not pretty either."
me:" like how plain?"
she: " like YOU!"
No, she wasn't joking when she said that. Ah, yes, at that point, it did make me wonder, does it mean, someone that look like me don't deserve good looking guys? Hmm...something for me to ponder....
This 1st September, I am going to start working. I have set my mind firm on one thing. No matter what happen, I must makesure, I too set aside some money to invest in my working attire just like my friend above. I want to look good. I want to go the extra mild to look professional. I want to give people a positive first impression. I want to build some confidence in myself.
I. Will. Succeed.
Confidence is an ongoing issue in my life. Sometimes, I just hope I am borned few inches taller, and I won't be suffering that much now. And I thought confidence is of internal factor, but mine, is very much affected by my height issue. When I was a teenager, dad even told me he pitied me, and asked me whether I'll like to go for surgery in China to "pull" my bone??
Maybe, I'll start wearing more heels. Maybe, I'll start reading up more on fashion for petite. Maybe..., all I have to do, is just learn to embrace being petite.