Friday, December 25, 2009

Can't help wondering...

I remember reading somewhere in MKL's blog that, when you're up, the next thing that can happen is, heading down.
Last time, a friend used to tell me, when you hit rock bottom, the only thing that will happen, is that you rise again.
Life is never grant you happiness, nor put you through failure for nothing.
Someone told me,
"when reality sinks in, you'll see clearly..things that you're blinded when you're in love"

When I was in my previous relationship, all I thought was, to get someone who fits my bill, criteria wise. And indeed, he was anything but everything I could ask for. Someone who speaks fluent English, who has a degree in his hand, capable of coping with just anything in life, stable career too, blends in well with my family. And therefore, I overlook the point, that I should gone for a guy who loves me instead of judging a guy based on criterias. That's when things spiral down wards.

Lesson 1 well learnt, and I progress search for love, rather than what is on the outlook.
That's when I met him, and blissfully in love.
But, just like the statement above, reality seems to slowly sink in. He does his duty as a bf...caring, and good. Nothing for me to complain. And after all, I am looking for someone who loves me, no?
But, now, here I am sitting, and catching few glances at him, while he is sleeping, I can't help it, but wonder....will we make it through?
What we both believe in love, is the same. But what we both believe in life, is so different, we are just simply worlds apart. And I acknowledge the fact, that there are more to come.
The becoming more and more apparent.

I can't help it but to ask, why is life...made as such.
Two people of the same race, and religion, being together need maybe 90% effort to work things out.
Two people of different race or religion need maybe 110% effort?
Then how about two people of same race, different country?
I guess, I am confusing everyone here.
I am from a tiny little country, called Malaysia.
YP, is from this huge land, called China.
yes...we met halfway though the globe, in a place called England.
I very much believe in fate.
FATE + EFFORT = definitely work out.
FATE - EFFORT = will work out too. Cause you're fated, no?
-FATE + EFFORT = will never work out. Living example of my previous relationship.
-FATE - EFFORT = would never have been together in the first place.

The words "Cultural Differences" seem to be making its way into my head. I hope I have enough willpower to pull through it. Though very often, we human should live for the present, instead of worrying for the future. But its just human's nature to fret over every single thing.

I look at my blog, and can't help it but wonder, what will I be blogging, 10years down the road? About my fail quest for love? Or about my fail duty as a mother? Or about how I have found a wonderful husband? Or how contented I am with life, having just a successful career, and no love issues to worry about?
Life is damn unpredictable. Coping with it, is a skill on its own.


MKL said...

I'm as analytical as you, but in recent years, I taught myself to maybe think about 1 year ahead and not 10. You'll probably blog about many things, ups and downs... or maybe not blog at all.. who knows. No point worrying about that. The person you will be in 10 years will be a different one.

All the best for 2010.


Erny said...

MKL: Thanks. I need many more years to be able to think that way, I guess...sometimes, being young, we just can;t seem to think wisely.

Stefanie said...

No matter what you do life goes on.

Merry Christmas and All the best for the coming 2010.


ixnay said...

improving ur chinese may help

Shingo T said...

I have many Singaporean or Malaysian friends who married a China Chinese, and all is fine.

Have more faith in the relationship. From my own experience, both of you must be comfortable and be yourself in a relationship, with plenty of feedback coming.

Life wasn't meant to be easy mode. But every test should solidify your relationship.

Toothfairy said...

First of all, I think all relationships are difficult. There is no relationship that doesn't have struggles, problems or what so ever. Couples may seem made for each other on the outside, no matter what race, religion or part of the world, but there's always the bump in the ride, that you have to conquer. If the love and the will is strong enough, you will and there's nothing to be afraid of.

Second, I used to over analize things. I used to plan way ahead. Why? If there's one thing I've learned the past few years, it's that things never turn out the way you've imagined or planned. Because we change, the world changes and you change. Plans and thoughts you have this very moment may be so different 6 months later.

So, just live and love. If it's worth it, work hard and don't be afraid.


Erny said...

Yan Xi: *bluek*

Shingo T, Toothfairy: Thanks a lot for the positive comment. I am hoping to learn how to flow with life as it is. :-)....praying for the best.