Fear??

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What I'm going to blog about has nothing to do with these pictures. These are just photos of my Poland trip. Kinda miss snow, now that it is gone. How weird and ironic human can be.

Ok, back to my topic of the day.

F-E-A-R!

These days, I've been watching tonnes of horror movies. I was never really a big fan of scary, blood splattering movies. With constant scenes on how the bodies are being cut up by some psychopath, or eaten up by zombies?? EEewww.....

Last night, this horrendous movie, " The Hills Have Eyes", was the last straw. I could not put up with any of these anymore. I was telling YP, to stop downloading all these fuck up movies. It is bad enough to be imagining spiritual stuff and ghouls, now that I have to add to the list with blood thirsty cannibals and dead bodies walking around - ZOMBIES! I am so gonna swear myself off any dark place. Such movies DO NOT do any good for one's mental or physical state. My advice.....STOP WATCHING!

However, if you're a big fan of horror movies, I would like to hightlight one point here. Do any of you realise, that there is something common with all the horror movies?? The coward one always either die first, or they end up dying no matter what. None of the movies allow the coward character to successfully walk off at the end of the show, with the hero& heroin.

And the best part of it, every movie, will definitely have a coward character, who choses to leave the team, or to act stupid, like start shooting randomly, or walk about challenging the predator, whereas, the hero and heroin will like, hide and start drawing out a wise plan to escape. =.='''

It often makes me wonder...if it happens in real life, how likely is it for someone to say,

"hey guys, if you people insist on proceeding down this tunnel, I'm leaving, I'm so going to walk outside on my own, and I'm fucking sure I'll be able to get myself out safely."....and the next minute, you see this Mister Macho, striding off on his very own rescue-himself mission....????

I will personally chose to stick to my teammates/friends/group of people.....for better or worse. As I strongly believe, the more, the better.

I guess I better stop now. Why am I even thinking off rescuing myself from such situation?? Shit, you know what's running through my mind now??

the movie, "SAW"....you'll understand why, if you have watched it before.

"ssshhhh...."

List of things I am drooling for...

This is what happen when you deprive Erny Tan the shopaholic her chance to go on a spending craze.
I start making mental notes of things I want to buy...and it grows..slowly and steadily to a list of unachievable dream.
So, you can see...these are the items I long to purchase. I have reading up on them. Reviews after reviews....pages after pages...I never get bored of reading them. If I have put that much of effort into my studies, I'll come up top.
People who know me well will definitely not be surprise. I am a makeup freak. I am obsessed in collecting makeup, though I very much rely on those few holy grail items that I diligently stick to, I, however, never stop buying other brands of makeup stuff to play with, or just for self satisfaction. You never know when you'll stumble across a good product then, no?
If I ever get the chance to pick on item from the above, I will pounce on the Korres Mango tinted lip balm. I am not a lippie person, but this product has received great coverage with fantastic review. If it works wonder, I'm so going to stock up some for my fellow friends back in Malaysia. :-)

My little secret

What is the ultimate beauty product that every girl should have in her bag?? I know,, it could range from good cleanser, to effective toner, to a rich moisturiser.....and even to stuff like,
"I can't freaking live without an eyeliner"
"I use mascara every shit day"
"I can't leave my home without sunblock"
For me, my current "IT" product, would be a good bottle of VITAMIN E.
Yes! The most versatile product ever.
I have this....this very exact bottle of vitamin E, and I sure lurve it to bits...and I'll tell you why.


Function No.1
I'm sure everyone should have already known darn well that Vitamin E is taken as supplementary food. It is stated behind the bottle that I can mix 5 drops into my drinks each day to promote better health. But, yeah, though its main use is for health reason, this is the only benefit of Vitamin E that I totally ignore. I don't consume it.

Function No.2
Any scar?? Vitamin E is famous for healing scar. Many people often talks bout Bio Oil. But, I don't know, I swear by this bottle of thing to heal my scar, though haven't really noticed any differences to my scar, I cross my fingers, hoping it does its expected function well.

Function No.3
I mix this with my body lotion. After many many many applications, I realise I slowly achieve really smooth skin. Anyway, it helps save the amount of lotion I use, as a tiny drop combined with the lotion is adequate to make the lotion feels thicker in texture.

Function No.4
Love it or hate it, you can't deny the fact that it serves well as a moisturiser, though I wouldn't really recommend it for Malaysia weather. But it works splendid here. However, if apply during the night before heading to bed, I think it is quite usable in Malaysia. That is what my friend has been doing, and she has a very well maintained complexion.

Function No.5
I use it as hair serum. Hah. I really don't know how many people have tried it out before, but I was a big fan of Kerastase hair serum, costing RM75 per bottle. Was nearly going to purchase the next bottle when I realise, my Vitamin E works wonder on my hair. More amazing than the effing expensive Kerastase. The best part, all you need, is just THAT tiny little drop . Hair smooths out, and becomes frizz free. I apply it after I blow dry my hair.

Function No.6
Ok, I don't know whether this works or not. I have yet to tried it out. I just stumbled upon this forum, with someone posting before and after pictures of her eyelashes. They grew longer, and became healthier looking. She uses Vitamin E on her eyelashes, applying it with a clean mascara wand. I am so excited now, can't wait to give that a shot too.
Better than wasting money buying the eyelash serum from Sasa.....I paid a freaking RM80+ for a 2ml eyelash serum - Kji & Co before I came to UK as my eyelashes were dropping like mad.

Cool item, no? And it cost only 5.99pound.
Everyone SHOULD get themselves one.

Random post!

Was listening to these songs....Owh....911?? The Moffatts?? Hanson?? Gosh! Reminiscing the past makes me feel so old. It was like, what? 10 over years ago.
We were in love with them back then.....those were the days, when Ning would ride her bicycle all the way over to my house, and both of us will be cheering over RIM chart show! Lolx....I sure miss those days.

I just had a chat with her....nowadays, it is so hard to catch her, on msn, facebook, or anywhere....maybe a call would be the easiest way to ensure continuous communication, hah!

She always speaks with wisdom...and I can't help it but to think over and over again, this particular saying of hers, that...
"one can't get everything. If you want all your time for yourself, then you gotta wave goodbye to relationship. If you want to have a bf, then you won't be able to have extra time for yourself. It is as simple as that."

I know I'm missing out shitload of things by having this relationship. I should have known better from the start. I can't help it but to wonder whether it is all worth it after all.
What will I think of it 10 years later? A waste of time? A waste of opportunity? Or, it is all well worth the effort and commitment? DAMN.

Banging on luck

Ever heard the saying in Chinese, that if you don't have THAT big a head, don't try wearing big hats.
Or in Malay language, ukur baju di badan sendiri.
Now, if I had passed all my ACCA papers in one attempt, I would be walking around with my head high up, applying for jobs everywhere without second thoughts.
I know my mum kept telling me, there is no harm trying to hand in your application. If you get it, it is a bonus. If you don't, you don't lose anything. But no matter how hard i try, I can't even find the courage to fill up the application forms online.
I can't get rid of the awful thoughts....
"I failed my ACCA last two papers, and now I'm pending my resit result"
"What if I'm asked about it??"
"I don't have a fucking job permit, should I state it clearly in my cover letter?"
"I freaking, seriously think, I don't really stand a job placement in Singapore, let alone one in UK??"
DAMN.
But then again, you never try, you'll never know.
But, when you try, you have hope, and that's when you have expectation. And expectation..IS evil.
Am I even ready for this??
My business knowledge is equivalent to zero.
Confused, and hesitant. I hope God could personally come down and have a proper chat with me.

Yoooo...hoo.....

Now, I shall just let the pcitures do the talking.....

Hereby is something interesting I found from a Singapore forum - CozyCot :

1. Treat relationships as a learning journey. Focus on enjoying the journey instead of arriving at the destination.

2. Adopt and maintain a "nonchalant" or "don't care so much" attitude.

3. DON'T be attached to the outcome of the relationship.

4. Principle of "feeling" statements: ALWAYS be open and honest about your feelings with your partner. VOICE OUT your feelings and NOT ACT OUT those feelings!

5. "Positive reinforcement training": REWARD the behaviour that you like and IGNORE the behaviour that you don't like.

6. Be open to the possibility that your boyfriend MAY or may NOT be the right man for you. Whatever the truth is, ACCEPT it and act accordingly.

7. Be present and happy in the here and now. The thing that you really have now is the present - this very moment!

Learning from love

Should human go through many relationships before ending it in marriage?
Now, I'm starting to believe that, one can learn a lot, and I mean LOT, through being in a relationship. Regardless of whether it is a bitter, miserable, or a heart wrenching one. ...or even one that is super lovey dovey.
For you'll be able to comprehend, more about yourself, your wants, and to constantly improve yourself.
Relationship is the best way to make your first step to self improvement.
And I realise, everyday, I know a bit more about myself, see my flaws, understand them, and slowly, painstakingly, take the initiative to change for the better.
And this....

Do you believe, that one will change....for the better...in situation, when you feel loved?
Or rather, individuals need inspiration to motivate every and each of their actions?
My ex used to tell me, that I didn't inspire him to want to treat me good.
Weirdly, all I could think of was, how the hell would an unhappy me go about inspiring him to treat me well. And why does treating me well lies with me inspiring him to do so??? Shouldn't it come from his wants and own effort to want to see me happy??

I guess, I was wrong. Not entirely. But, partly. A bit of it.
Gotta admit it...being too sensitive, is a HUGE imperfection that has long been embedded in me.
but, then again, most girls ARE sensitive.

I never saw it coming....that he (YP) kept it in him..to tolerate the so-called, my "princess temper".
He is the peace loving type. Hardly believes that we need to communicate...to voice out our differences in opinions, or to discuss about our likes or dislikes. To him, if can tolerate, TOLERATE lo. if can accommodate, ACCOMMODATE lo. if can give in, GIVE IN lo.
And that was how it led to the BIG fight...when finally all hell broke loose, because this girl here thinks she can ask for drumstick when given chicken wing.

Strangely, I wouldn't usually admit my mistake in a short span of time. Even after days of reflecting, I would choose to forget it when things start getting better.
But knowing that this guy here does indeed cherish me dearly, makes me feel upset to see him being pissed off by my behavior. I was all prepared to nod for a breakup then if he was to hand me the death sentence. Yet, him being all flared up, and not uttering "we're finish", makes me realise, I need to change for him.

And for that, I guess, what my ex used to say holds some truth in it,no?
Because, somehow, YP inspires me, to want to change...want to stop my unreasonable tantrums, and thankfully, he makes it easy for me to slowly turnover a new leaf.

In conclusion, from my previous relationship, I learn to put up with stuff that I shouldn't be tolerating at all, and from this relationship, I am learning to clear my temper and sensitivity. I guess, if I don't walk down the aisle with this guy, the next Mr might be the lucky one who gets a slightly wiser me.

Stupid looking me, trying to get amuse by the ...ice?? is that call ice??...whatever...
YP said this is a nice shot, so I am having it up in my blog first, before the rest of my trip pictures.