Thursday, September 3, 2009


I’m finally back to home sweet home.
It’s weird how feelings, and thinking change in just a spilt second.
Once, I used to adore the idea of being in KL. Skyscrapers, big malls, nice clothes, trendy people, I am always at awed by all these.
Now, I hate KL. I despised it so much. For everywhere I go, everything I see, I see memories I hope can be wiped out.
Few days ago, lunch farewell was supposed to be a nice one…until they talked about playing pool. Pool was my favourite game, and is still my top love. But at the moment, I just hope all pool tables will disappear.
Just to travel from one place to another in KL, causes so much soreness to me. But, as much as I can try avoiding, I can’t totally NOT pass those places, or really NOT step into there.
Like what I was telling Chia How, that I am really scared to go certain places, I hate it here so much. He shrugged it off, telling me, “Oh well, you never know, maybe after 8 months in UK, Mid Valley collapsed, KLCC bombed. You never know.”

I was so engrossed in trying not to think so much, not to look around, for just standing in the LRT itself, is painful enough for my heart to swallow. I entirely did not notice where I was heading to. I was heading to meet Kitti for dinner…and she asked me to stop at Taman Bahagia station. Little did I realise,I was bringing myself to face my nightmare, face to face.
Once I got off, I stared right into the familiar surroundings…a call to Kitti, and she asked me to wait at the bus stop. Tears instantly came rolling down. And I was cursing the hell out of Kitti for wanting me to come over here. Trying not to look pathetic, I pick up my phone, called Kat, and chat with her till Kit arrived.

I really really loathe the idea of staying put in KL. Flood my head with reminiscences that I desperately want to erase. If only our brain can work like a computer… “control-alternate-delete”..and “boom”…everything gone! Reminds me of the show ‘Doll House’…they extract whatever memories they want out from the person’s head, and insert other memories they want, into the person’s head, so that when he/she wakes up, he/she will remember herself as a different person. Sounds kinda scary actually, if such technology exist in reality.

But this is what I have learned…
The more you try to avoid, the more you’ll bump into it.
The more you try to get rid off it, the more it’ll haunt you.
The more you grab on it, the more it’ll slip away.
The more you hate it, the more you’ll learn to love it.
And when you truly love it, that’s when you’ll lose it.

This is life. Or at least, my current belief in life.


Li said...

Sorry babe. I was away that day when you msged me on MSN. It is true that the more you avoid, the more it will come to you. So just let things flow on their own. Don't push it. You'll be happier, without you knowing it.

Erny said...

i know....but it has been like 3 weeks already. I expected the sore to go away, never thought it would worsen instead.
You know, I really enjoyed life in PJ, hanging out with you all back then. Now I hate the word PJ sooo much, offense.
One day day...who knows, I may even stay there...haha...

Su-Li said...

Time will cure everything... Just have to be patient and see that life will get better soon! That time, anywhere familiar u used to go will not be painful anymore...