So many things to blog about

I'm starting to get the hang on blogging.
I realise that blog is the only place I can express my feelings, emotions, whether it is a bad day, or an uber fabulous day. Everything can be written down without giving a damn about trepassing people's privacy or offending any parties.
Cause I strongly believe that blogs are personal, and everyone has the right to write any shit they want, ranging from being a mean of releasing stress, or throwing virtual tantrums, or just to narrate a series of randomness.
Don't get me wrong here. I am not a go go supporter for people who misuse their blogs to spread wrong info, or condemn others (though this is fairly justifiable). Cause I do acknowledge the fact that human has different brains and therefore, will have significantly differing opinions. And if readers are against whatsoever opinion suggested by the bloggers to the extend that they loathe the writers, it is wrong to sprew out ill comments in other people's blogs, as I always agree with the statement that "if you don't like it, then don't read it". It is not like the bloggers actually pay random people to stuck their heads into their blogs, or point a gun to your head and make you go through the blogs.
Everything is done based on free-will basis.
I just simply don't understand why some people love to take the trouble..yes TROUBLE to browse through blogs and leave pathetic,unkind comments.
You must be wondering what happen to me, right?
Lolz...no, nobody left any unkind comments to me before.
I am just writing thinking of how I used to stumble across some famous bloggers's blogs whose comment box was chalked on with sick comments. And how i used to laugh reading at how other readers trashed the anonymous fellow back.

*The hardest part about losing love, is finding your way back*

My uneventful life in UK!

Now, being in UK means, no excessive shopping....visiting should be made on a highly practical time, and camwhoring session will be limited.
Therefore, I shall by all means, stil make my "indoor" activities something to laugh about
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Caught in action! The MASK RIDER!!. What??! That is me, doing my mask. I freak out my housemate by stepping out looking this way!

Yeah....this is me, up close. *hate the peppermint smell from it*

Yes, I monitor my weight every now and then. Bought this weighing scale from Tesco. It is a useless weighing scale that goes, +0 or -0 kg each time i weigh and get off it. But, anyhow, it is better than not having any mode of measurement.

Lessons well learned from watching TV.

Have you ever noticed how parents use to scorn at their children when their little kids are glued to the television set?? Or do you not remember how your parents banned you from watching TV?
-“it’s weekdays now, no TV for these days….go study….”
-“Are you going to be a TV addict???!!”

Little do we know, or realise that, from watching TV dramas and others, including documentaries, we are actually taught some aspect of life, if not, some additional knowledge. Television is really not that bad after all.

I realise this, when I stayed over in Hun Sze’s house, and her mum made it clear to me on how she brought up her children, and how she’ll sit with them, watching Hong Kong dramas…and how she tried to relate certain events to their daily life. I was, basically, quite unamused by it. Because, I never believe that anything good can come out from being attached to that box.

But recently, I realised otherwise.
Few days ago…I kept myself occupied watching “13 Going 30”, it’s a movie that has been long shown, starring Jennifer Garner. It’s an obsolutely heart touching love story. But of course, the moral of the story was more of something else. However, it made me realise, there are lots of decisions to make in life. And just a slight mistake, could affect oneself tremendously, causing emotional scar, having to carry a baggage with you, for your entire life. Living with the truth that nothing will ever be the same again. Of course, in the case for Jennifer Garner, she sure was a lucky babe, as she could turn back to 13, and have everything changed again. Fact is, in reality, there is only the future, and no turning back. No such thing as ‘what if’, no such thing as ‘why wouldn’t it be like this..or like that’, but to learn to stand up, face it, and walk, one step at a time….holding on to the hope, that you’ll see sunlight again.

Talking about learning lessons from dramas, I sort of recall, this Singapore series I watched before I came here. It is called “Little Nyonya”. I wouldn’t say it is a darn fantastic series, though I was glued to the screen the entire time, but it sent out quite reasonable life lessons that I think, for a moment, I did benefit from it.
The main actress was madly in love with the main actor (of course), but with lots of barriers in between, though at last, he pursued her till the end, she didn’t choose him. I gotta admit it, that I don’t quite like the ending, because, up until now, I don’t get it, why the girl refused the guy, when at the end, the circumstances, do allow them to be together.
But this statament made by the girl in one episode hit hard on me.
“ The one you love, may not be the one who treats you well.
And the one who treats you well, may not be the one you love”
She was basically referring to her sister’s choice of marrying the guy she loves soo much, yet he loathed her, and refused to even talk to her properly.
While also explaining her choice of marrying the Ang Moh guy inside who treats her very well, and yet, is not the one she loves.

Life sure evolves in a very weird way in spite of us trying to make the best out of it, and see the most positive side of it, we will stil end up hurt no matter what.

The Lost Symbol

I am a big fan of Dan Brown’s exhilarating thrilller, having read all 4 of his collections, obviously I wouldn’t waste any opportunity of setting my hands on his latest addition
“THE LOST SYMBOL”




Oh…look at that cunning smile…Yes…I’m smiling for the camera (no, more like for Hui Ning, cause I know she’ll be wanting this sooo badly)

Owh…look at the street smart fellow, and the book smart fellow. We read different books…(bloody tesco…drained me off so much cash)

I was hoping I could spare some time to finish this book, so that I’ll get to have it shipped home. But, as circumstances appear to deter me from doing so, all I can do, is to have it placed on the book shelf, and sit here all day staring at it.

My first cooking in BCU

Well, my absence from blogging was due to this internet explorer of mine. Old version, cause me to be unable to load any pics. Even my facebook!!! *sad*
But, friends here are soo nice. They allow me to use their laptop, upload the pics, then run back to my laptop, and start crapping here.
ZZZzzzz.....
Here, I'm in my wonderfully 'ancient' kitchen *rusty water boiler, rusty bread toaster*

Hehe...okay....prepare some ingredients.....

Yes....I pack a whole lots of shit stuff like that here....

That is how I cook....OK, the wok looks pretty new, right? Yes..it is new, cause there was no wok before hand. They bought it for us. Guess, they forgot to buy us new water boiler, and bread toaster. *sad*

Me, trying to not burn myself..

Stir it...stir it.....

Yes...look at it...looks yummy right? I was so happy looking at it. Bet it'll taste delicious too.

I was just acting for this pic. The food was pour out already prior to the photo session.

Look at me! Full of satisfaction!

Great right? It is my tomyam fried beehoon!! Looks like what a pro can cook,huh?

Learn it from me. :-)

UK

Just arrived in UK...
This is the second day, and I am really busy.
Would love to be updating great piece of story about this wonderful land soon.
Keep checking back here, friends.

I need so desperately to feel happy again.

Oh dear God,

Please take away the pain...
Please make me smile again...
Please lift the burden off me....
Please show me that I can see the sun again...
Please make me believe I can stand again...
Please wipe the memories out...
Please let me be stronger...
Please guide me through this journey....

I feel like I've placed one foot into the grave.
I need help.

It is part and parcel of life after all?

Everyday I wake up, with numerous questions running through my mind.
-why did this happen to me?
-why wouldn't he love me back the way I love him?
-didn't I deserve to be loved?
-was my love not great enough?
-didn't I try hard enough?
-was he just fooling me right from the start?
-why was there a need for me to constantly beg and plead in my relationship?
-will I ever be happy again?
-how can I move on after such painful ending?

...........................and as I keep myself busy with more important things in life....there is no way I can get rid of those bugging questions. The word "W H Y" just makes my day even harder to get through.
There are like millions of things in my heart, thousand of thoughts in my head, that I want to write out. But I fail to describe how I feel, and what is repeating in my mind every now and then, in the most precise way.

And then, I stumbled upon this blog....
http://teycindy.com/ (titled : The Frog Prince. Sep 5th)

This is like a fantastic article that I'd like to share with my fellow friends.
What was written in there, is what I feel everyday. Exactly!
I think, I can take comfort, that at least, in this world, I ain't the only living being that was taken for granted in a r'ship, or went through a shit relationship, or at least.......stil gets sad over it...no matter how much I was hurt in it.

Memories..

I’m finally back to home sweet home.
It’s weird how feelings, and thinking change in just a spilt second.
Once, I used to adore the idea of being in KL. Skyscrapers, big malls, nice clothes, trendy people, I am always at awed by all these.
Now, I hate KL. I despised it so much. For everywhere I go, everything I see, I see memories I hope can be wiped out.

Few days ago, lunch farewell was supposed to be a nice one…until they talked about playing pool. Pool was my favourite game, and is still my top love. But at the moment, I just hope all pool tables will disappear.
Just to travel from one place to another in KL, causes so much soreness to me. But, as much as I can try avoiding, I can’t totally NOT pass those places, or really NOT step into there.
Like what I was telling Chia How, that I am really scared to go certain places, I hate it here so much. He shrugged it off, telling me, “Oh well, you never know, maybe after 8 months in UK, Mid Valley collapsed, KLCC bombed. You never know.”

I was so engrossed in trying not to think so much, not to look around, for just standing in the LRT itself, is painful enough for my heart to swallow. I entirely did not notice where I was heading to. I was heading to meet Kitti for dinner…and she asked me to stop at Taman Bahagia station. Little did I realise,I was bringing myself to face my nightmare, face to face.
Once I got off, I stared right into the familiar surroundings…a call to Kitti, and she asked me to wait at the bus stop. Tears instantly came rolling down. And I was cursing the hell out of Kitti for wanting me to come over here. Trying not to look pathetic, I pick up my phone, called Kat, and chat with her till Kit arrived.

I really really loathe the idea of staying put in KL. Flood my head with reminiscences that I desperately want to erase. If only our brain can work like a computer… “control-alternate-delete”..and “boom”…everything gone! Reminds me of the show ‘Doll House’…they extract whatever memories they want out from the person’s head, and insert other memories they want, into the person’s head, so that when he/she wakes up, he/she will remember herself as a different person. Sounds kinda scary actually, if such technology exist in reality.

But this is what I have learned…
The more you try to avoid, the more you’ll bump into it.
The more you try to get rid off it, the more it’ll haunt you.
The more you grab on it, the more it’ll slip away.
The more you hate it, the more you’ll learn to love it.
And when you truly love it, that’s when you’ll lose it.

This is life. Or at least, my current belief in life.