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Friday, February 5, 2010

Emo-ing

Recently been in a state of emo.
Finally concluded...that fear, is the caused to human's downfall in moral value.
Where do greedy and selfish attitudes stem from?
When one fear, afraid of losing. Afraid of being taken for granted. Afraid of being taken advantage of. Afraid of every single thing that revolves around one's life....thus leading to being overprotective of oneself. Conscious over others' actions. Overly sensitive in relationship.
Small example like, being afraid of losing out in exam, leads to not lending notes to friends, which further contribute to being secretive about the knowledge possess, and then, about not wanting to share, and the big picture is, getting upset and jealous when friends score better in exam.
If only human don't know that greed and selfishness exist in this world...... not knowing, does it also mean, not inculcating such attitude, thinking and behavior?
I always pride myself since young, of my constant strife to improve myself, not superficially, but more of my mental state. Hate feeling the bugging need to deal with my split personality.
One moment, I'd be an Angel, the next I will be filled up to the brim with hatred, self loathe, insecurity, possessiveness, revenge.....and then, I take a minute, pause, breathe in the fresh air, clear my head of negative thoughts, and I'm all cool again, trying to make things end on a positive tone.
But life shouldn't be like that, no? I can't be in both categories, the Biatch, and the lovely girl next door, ever willing to lend a helping hand.
I want to straighten things out with myself. I need to make drastic changes. I need to get myself back on track. This is taking a toll on myself. It is damaging.
I won't lie about not being envious over how certain girls can be so blissful. How they can tolerate, and be the ever considerate friend/ girlfriend.
I guess, I can too, when I am able to delete the word "FEAR" from my life entirely.
Sometimes, being good really won't hurt. And so what if someone abuses your kind deed, and thoughts? Or your sacrifices?
I finally thought through it, though it may be hard for me to put it into practice in real life, but I know, to lead a happier life, I must make it a point to acknowledge my faults, see them, greet them, and wave goodbye to them, making sure they never turn up on my doorsteps ever again.
A friend always tell me, "he reaps what he sows". And as a strong believer of karma. I should really start ditching my ridiculous, and sometimes retarded attitude.
I'm open for enlightenment. Throw me your thoughts, please.
Love!

3 comments:

danielchowtzeyoong said...

i like! :p

MKL said...

I think you wrote all your answers yourself in these lines:

I must make it a point to acknowledge my faults, see them, greet them, and wave goodbye to them, making sure they never turn up on my doorsteps ever again.

I totally agree. And we're a bit alike. I actually hate myself, when I'm petty and jealous, but I guess it's part of me. Same goes for fear. We just need to be aware of these flaws, work on them and acknowledge, that we'll never gonna get rid of them 100% :)

Shingo T said...

Don't think too much about others.

Just be in control of yourself, your actions and your thoughts.

When you are as living in your own world just like me, you don't care much. Watching them is like observing goldfish in a fishtank. After watching, just walk away and do your own stuffs.

Whenever you are upset, remind yourself how fortunate you are. ^_^