Ungrateful?

I think, it is just me against myself.
For the passed few weeks, I've been randomly getting upset over petty issues with the bf. Late calls, late replies, not enough attention from him...and the list goes on.
I don't know why, I'm just so filled up to the brim with negativities, that at one point, I thought I was suffering from depression, or rather, maybe I did actually suffer from depression?? Who knows.
Sobbing over webcam, complaining about the bf's lack of affection and lack of attention had been a daily issue until at last, thank God, I finally came to my senses that I need to have a life of my own. Either that, or I'll need to look at things on a different perspective. I thought it over and over, I told myself, I've gotta do something before it's too late.

So far, I've been on very good track for one week already, and I can see the bf is enjoying our webcam session recently.
Sometimes, I do feel ungrateful. I don't know why all the fuss over insufficient attention and the inadequate time allocated for me, when I think, he has done, what most guys can't do, or rather prefer not to even try doing.
It is a daily routine, out of willingness, not demanded from me, morning call to inform me he is up, and going to class. 11am+- he'll call to tell me he has a short beak. 1pm, another call to tell me he is having lunch break. 2pm+-, call to inform me he is going for class again. 4.30pm, call to let me know his class has ended. Rush home, webcam a short moment with me, then it will be my bedtime, and his dinner time. I'l sleep, wake up early in the morning, which is his night time, and webcam for another half an hour to an hour, depending on his mood, and mine.
And despite all that, I go about complaining that I feel neglected, Every. Single. Day, without fail.
Sometimes, I wish someone would tell me how to feel happy now, be thankful for the present, and stop worrying shit bout the future. Cause, obviously, I'm having a wonderful present, no?
All I care about, day and night, is to worry whether there will be a day that he'll wave goodbye to me for someone else. At times I get so pissed off at myself, because why wouldn't it be that one day I'm the one waving goodbye to him instead? Why must I be so negative? And why wouldn't it be that I'll be happily married to him instead? Why must I surround my thoughts only on how people will hurt me, and how I'm so destined to be unfortunate?

Giveaway Scout

I was invited by GiveawayScout to join in the the services they are currently providing.
Let me just brief readers about it, though I have yet to entirely comprehend the idea too.
Anyway, GiveawayScout described itself as:
"Giveaway Scout is a giveaway search engine. Our users subscribe to receive updates on the latest giveaways on the web. Add your blog and your giveaways will be exposed to our large network or users."

Anyone of you who are interested, just like me, (I'm handing in my application), can do it by clicking on this link:
GiveawayScout

May you people have fun!!

How?

How do you learn how to be happy and grateful for the things that happen out of your expectation?

How do you learn not to be upset, and anger bout things that don't happen when you expected them to happen?

How do you learn to focus on the positive side of life, rather than to magnify all the negative aspects of it?

I always pride myself as an easily contented girl. But truth be told, I am not. I don't even know where to derive my happiness from. How to live a fruitfull life. Or to even acknowledge the fact that I have almost a near perfect life compared to many other people in poorer countries, or to those disabled people we often bump along the way. I know very well that it is already a blessing to be able to wake up everyday and find myself breathing. Being alive itself, is a reason to put a smile on the face and march through life.

But why is it, in the end? I am still not happy.

Looking Good Is Vital??

I was having this conversation on how to spend your pay, when my friend told me he puts aside RM200 per month specially to buy clothes. Shock, I asked him, how many ways can a guy dress to impress? It is ridiculous for a guy to be spending rm200 every month on new clothes. As he explained on, he said it is to buy himself a new suit of working attire every month.
Finding that statement even more ridiculous because male working attire is so simple, no one will notice it if a guy has been changing his formal blouse or his pants.
My dad has a closet filled from left to right with all light colours shirt, and many different shades of brown, black and grey pants. But throughout my life of observing him preparing to work, I hardly ever see the difference even with him diligently pairing his matching shirt and pants.
However, one thing this guy commented seems to strike in me hard and sound.

" I makesure I dress well. I need to look good to give myself the extra boost of confidence."

This is one point I have noted, thought over it. And realised, my lack of confidence, could be stamped from the very basic of, I don't yearn to look good. No, I do want to look good. But wanting to look good, and actually trying to look good, is two totally different issue.
Being so petite, and standing only at 150cm tall, my bestfriend (170cm) has always been telling me, "you need the extra height. you have all the reason to be wearing heels. why don't you wear heels?"
I guess, I do desire very much to be able to look stunning, or at least professional enough when I go work, but because having this embedded belief that short people is bornt out to fail in looking good, I basically rarely go the extra mild to ensure I am well dress enough to gain respect from people. Or rather, appropriately for occasion.

I remembered doing my internship for this well established firm two years ago. I always look around and asked myself, why do everyone look so professional in their formal clothes while I could be easily identified by clients as a trainee. But my question just stopped there, without going further to the core of the problem. Now, looking back, I could see the whole lot what differences in my dressing with the people there. I wore skirts which are way too long and oversized for me, and I didn't even bother alterting them. I wore short sleeves shirt daily, while people were all clad in long sleeves shirt. And the worse part is, I didn't even know that working clothes should be tuck in, let alone to even iron them. I wore shoes that were fit for my mum.
Now i totally understand why did my senior said this to me:
she:" You rememeber the very good looking guy I showed you in the picture?"
me: " yes? why?"
she:" he has a girlfriend already. and I can't believe it. he is so good looking, why did he chose such a plain looking girl. she is not ugly. but not pretty either."
me:" like how plain?"
she: " like YOU!"
No, she wasn't joking when she said that. Ah, yes, at that point, it did make me wonder, does it mean, someone that look like me don't deserve good looking guys? Hmm...something for me to ponder....

This 1st September, I am going to start working. I have set my mind firm on one thing. No matter what happen, I must makesure, I too set aside some money to invest in my working attire just like my friend above. I want to look good. I want to go the extra mild to look professional. I want to give people a positive first impression. I want to build some confidence in myself.
I. Will. Succeed.

Confidence is an ongoing issue in my life. Sometimes, I just hope I am borned few inches taller, and I won't be suffering that much now. And I thought confidence is of internal factor, but mine, is very much affected by my height issue. When I was a teenager, dad even told me he pitied me, and asked me whether I'll like to go for surgery in China to "pull" my bone??
Maybe, I'll start wearing more heels. Maybe, I'll start reading up more on fashion for petite. Maybe..., all I have to do, is just learn to embrace being petite.

Fenling the perfect dupe for expensive brushes

You know you can never achieve great looking makeup without the proper tools?
I am a brush whore.
I buy, and buy, and buy.
When I was in UK, I either kept ordering makeup brushes from ebay, or I'll be randomly buying brushes off department stores. Boyfie actually asked me whether I was going to use them to brush my backside.
I splurge a lot on brushes as I believe the tools are just equally important as what you apply on your face.
However, my journey of collecting expensive makeup brushes ended after I return home, because in Malaysia, you can find the perfect dupe for Ecotool brushes (my holy grail brush). I have Ecotool powder brush, blush brush, travelling size kits, and the retractable kabuki brush. They cost me a lot, for someone who is still studying.
Let me unveil the perfect dupe for Ecotool brush, at a fraction of its price.

Ta-dah!!! Fenling.
Price at only RM20 for the huge, kabuki brush, and RM18 for the short handle blush brush.
I'm totally amazed by its comparable quality. Very soft and non scratchy. I really regretted being such an obsessed freak in my quest for buying Ecotools and Everyday Mineral brushes, because I could have saved a lot if only I've had stumbled upon Fenling brushes earlier.
These brushes can be purchased at Paradise Boutique along with other attractive accessories.
Go check it out people, if you haven't got any brushes yet. These are good investment.

Coach Bag and Wallet for sales?

When you're desperate for cash, this is what you do.
Sell whatever that is of value.
New Coach bag and wallet.
Bought when I was in UK from UK Ebay.
I have NEVER used them before. Brand new!

My price: Bag at rm590, wallet at rm400
Take both at rm1000 *special*

Budak kampung

I am bored to death.
My dearest boyfie will be heading back to UK tomorrow. And my dearest bestfriend has left Malaysia for Singapore few days ago. I'm left here all alone.
This explains it all for my stupid random pictures that speak it all on how damn rusty and bored and mad I've currently been.


*oh ya, that Chipmunk is my make-believe boyfie, whenever I'm chatting with boyfie, and I get upset, I'll punch this poor thing in front of him.*