.................. :-{

When I'm feeling upset, I always wish Ning is with me.
She's the shoulder I cry on, the place I complain my thousand and one dissatisfaction, the person who listens to my every pine and whine, talks to me when I don't feel like talking, listen to me when I need to be heard.
She could practically accomodate to me in every aspect.

It sucks without her, and having no other people I can trust whom I can pour out what's in my heart.

She found me a guy whom she thinks has the potential of being the next her.
Hah....it took us 16 years to finally understand each other....does she really think it's that easy for some other random guy to replace her???!!!

I'm so easily angered by little things....easily flared up by what others say.
Yet....at times...I'm at total peace....when I'm so not bothered about my surroundings.When I really can practise being patient.

My moodswing is bad again.

Poem!

What do you think of this poem?This poem was nominated for the bestpoem of 2005, written by an African kid.

When I was born, I black.
When I grow up, I black.
When I go in the sun, I black.
When I scared, I black.
When I sick, I black.
And when I die, I still black.

And you white fella,
When you born, you pink.
When you grow up, you white.
When you go in the sun, you red.
When you cold, you blue.
When you scared, you yellow.
When you sick, you green.
And when you die, you gray....And you calling me COLORED..?!

Haha....I cut this out from my bro's backdated blog last time...and kept it somewhere...till recently, I thought, why not post it up for everyone to read.......Enjoy!

Inner thoughts

I was told...the way I described the characters in my blogs....I made it too obvious for people to associate it to the real person.

Do I feel any obligation to write my characters in a more abstract manner?
-Why should I?

Someone told me...that my blogs sound like I hold lotsa grudges...
-Ain't blogs the place we vent out our dissatisfaction? Anger? Sadness?

I'm overflowed with mix feelings recently.
I owed my bestfriend a story. To tell her how was New Year eve.

But, why do I find it hard to tell her? To pour out everything? Everything that happened...and what I felt?

I always think life is to be enjoyed...without worries...and without burden.
I believe in living my life to the max.
But, why is it I feel a sense of responsibility now. Feel with guilt.

I should have started studying long ago.
How am I to sit for my exam in the next 2 weeks time?
I can't even recall how to do Absorption Costing.
What happen to me?
Each time I open my book, I stared at it in disbelief. Feel like I need to go back to Diploma level and learn everything all over again.

Someone once told me....."Once a thief, always a thief"
.......does it mean..."Once a failure, always a failure"?

Yea right...think positively?

Life sucks.....


Suli said it's like a series of unfortunate events...


How can I disagree???
When one bad thing happens....it tends to lead to a whole string of them.
It's like you left your door ajar...for bad luck to slip in...and when it creeps in....it never stop.

people often say...THINK POSITIVELY
How can you do that..when you're trying to cross the road...with an exposed wound on your leg....and the rain kept pouring down on you...and a car drove pass...deliberately making sure puddle of water get splashed on you???!!!!

Yea...I should thank God the water didn't get splash onto my face instead?

They say....count your blessing....

Tell me....how to do so??

I say....it's easier said than done....

Put yourself in my shoes....you won't even last for a day out there.

My moodswing is bad.

Living with man-eater.

How much do you trust your friends?
Trust them, that they will not betray you?
Trust that they will side you?
Trust that they will not take away what is rightfully yours?
Most importantly, trust that they will not meddle with your love life?

I used to believe so.
Used to be that naive.
To think that this world is filled with blissful angels.
But, then again...
I look back into life...
I see the cruel facts...
Fatcs about my friends...

Do they really care about me?
Do they really mean what they say?
Do they really do it, because of me, and not for their own advantage?


Song once told me.....
"No matter how much you trust someone, just make sure you keep secrets of yours to yourself. And only yourself. This is to protect yourself. Take my advice."

I thought he was in a post breakup mental state, that's what made him merepek so much.
But, now I thank him for his advcie. It's a good piece of advice...as I finally manage to comprehend the turth....

The truth that I'm living among
MAN-EATERS.

Girls...they can be pleasant, can be sincered...in just anything....not involving guys.
But when it's a case of you, your friend and a guy, trust me, even the bestest of friend, just might get into gruesome catfights.

I thought I was being helpful....by trying to heal my friend's broken heart. (she got dump).
I did everything I could to cheer her up. Asked her out for all-girls outings...put on the best makeup for her, choosed the nicest clothes for her....I was sincered in what I was doing.
I honestly wanted to just help.

But life took a cruel turn for me. Not only did she stand up again, with more self-esteem....and confidence, she took away the guy I once like. All attention was shifted to her. All my guy friends took notice of her.
She flirted with the guy I like, without the least consideration of how I would feel. (was I surprised? Not really....somehow...I could sense it coming)
And when she's at the winning point, she tried acting blissful, arranging a badminton session for me to play with a macho guy, whom she likes! (Not I like pun)
Using me as a bait (I wasn't aware), she got the attention of that guy too.
(Am I jealous of it? Nope. I really have no interest in that guy)

Now, I look back, and ask myself, why?
Why must it be...that I need to learn to distrust others?
Why can't friends learn to not mess with others' life?

If she's the only living being that tore me up unsrupulously,I won't be much bothered.
But, to my utter disappointment, I have started to unmasked one by one, faces of selfish, self-centred people living behind hidden mask of innocent looking, lovely people.

Am I that angelic? NO!
Then what rights do i have to complain?
-I really, really,really, did everything for my friends out of sincerity. It's just that I never expected myself to be paying such a high price for it.

Do I regret what I'v done?
-at times...yes....but mostly, I prefer to think positively (hope it helps)

So, to my dear readers out there, listen to Song's advice....it certainly would bring more benefit than harm to you.

Chnages....

Unfortunately, this is not me. This is my "ji mui"-Hun Sze.....

Yeap, I know, to some people who know her well, you must be in shock to see her in smoking hot make up!

I will tell you readers about our shopping spree the other day.

I just got back from Hong Kong when she messaged me,asking me whether I would like to join her for a make up session in Shu Uemura. (of course I wouldn't give up anything for a session like this)....so, she fetched me and off we went to 1u.

Lady there: What type of make up do you want to learn?

Hun Sze: Huh?

Lady: Oh, got day make up, and night.

Hun Sze look at me....

Lady: I'll teach you day, ok?

Hun Sze: Ok

Haha...so you guys think THAT is day make up?????!!!!!!!!!! We were giggling about her being able to go clubbing after that. It's so freaking heavy! Especially the eyes! (But can't deny the fact, it does look nice)
Hun Sze will be off to UK soon, and she needs to get herself a set of make up stuff. I was, of course, her chaperone for the day. We concluded that it'll cost a bomb to splurge on Shu stuff...maybe we should just try scouting for cheaper ones.

We went around, and ended with highlighter from Face Shop, silver eyeliner from Body shop, Mascara from Kate, eyebrow pencil from Empro,eyeshadow from Kate. And the rest from Shu Uemura.

It was a great haul. And I hope to be blogging more about my current obsessions with make up again. (Old habit die hard)

Christmas..

Wow...I miss blogging! Been silent for way too long.
After my much anticipated external exam was over, I went out shopping, and indulged myself in lotsa good food. I have deprieved my stomach of proper food for the entire exam period!

So, what have I been up to lately?
I just came back from my holiday trip to Hong Kong and Shen Zhen. It was like in a shopping haven! Certain things are really way way cheaper than in Malaysia. But, of cause, it is a known fact that Hong Kong's cost of living is so high, I was practically thinking of the word "Insane" everytime the tourist guide talk about how much they gotta pay for food, cars, flats. To me, it looks more like, the rich gets richer, and the poor gets poorer.
But, I can't deny, I love it there! Though the food doesn't suit me at all!!!! (EEee....tastless...oily...or tooooo salty!)

The weather there was perfect. Occasional cold wind, with sun. (Not hot and scorching sun!)
So, we had to carry our jackets along, and wear boots to protect our legs. At the same time, we had to bring umbrella to shade against the sun.
I visited, many places, and of cause, one of the well-known place is Disneyland. It's kinda small....but it's already a big success there. I tried the Space Mountain. This is a roller coaster ride, that brings us into total darkness. It tricks us, by letting us get engross to the environment of make believe stars in the darkness. And, when we least expected it, the roller coaster started to take off at full speed...blasting through the darkness. All the while, I was yelling to my sis..."It's going down!!! It's going down!!!"....(but it never went down...) =.='''

There are many more exciting things that went on durning my trip...but I think if I'm going to write out everything, it'll bored readers to death.

Christmas....

So, I'd rather blog on my latest plan for Chinese New Year, and Chritmas.
Oh well, today, is Christmas. And I am blogging away in CC...so, you can imagine, just how pathetic is my Christmas celebration. But i am not at all bothered. I don't exactly celebrate christmas anyway.

I have been counting on my savings...and making plans for Chinese New Year instead.
I am quite done with my clothes. Currently,I have just ordered a BB cream from the internet. I can't wait for it to arrive. Wanna use it during CNY. I don't want to be slapping on thick foundation on my face for CNY, it's not appropriate, esp when I'm back in Perlis, I'll make myself look totally out of place! So, BB cream, shall do the perfect trick.

So, now....running through my head..I have a whole list of stuff that I need to get ready for CNY....and basically, I'm on my way to getting everything done! I'm so pleased with myself....this year, i did not really splurge much on wasted stuff that I may not use after CNY, and I have learnt to purchase cheaper stuff....search for value for money goods....and look out for sales!
(this is what happen when cross a shopoholic and an accountant together)

I guess this should be all. Will update again....hopefully, it'll be soon...