Singapore

My dream of landing a job here, and earning SGD finally materialise.

Its like a land of opportunities and definitely an eye opener for someone like me.

I've been working for two months here in a humble mid-tier firm. Surprisingly, Singapore is not as scary as how people used to portray it. Fast moving, crazy people, materialistic place. Yeah, I cannot deny it, its pretty true in a way. However, I guess its more like a blessing that I am in this mid-tier firm rather than any Big firms, as people here are very much down to earth. I have partners acknowledging me in the lift, at the corridor, even outside before office hours. I feel so belonged, especially when bosses are able to call me by my name.

This reminded me of an incident back then in my previous firm when I actually smiled and acknowledged this particular boss whom I actually had dinner with before during his engagement. And to my surprise, he look away, totally ignoring my existence.

I dont know whether it i really a blessing in disguise as I slowly realise that I'll be shouldering lots of burden. With tonnes worth of jobs waiting for me. And being really incompetent at the moment, I constantly worry about producing disastrous outcome. Singapore tax is also giving me headache. IT'S SO FREAKING COMPLICATED.

Great news is, I am performing during my annual dinner. Will be dancing traditional fan dance. Lolz. Its a fun place to be now. And I'm enjoying every bits I am here.

May my days always stay bright.

:-)

Help?

I am contemplating moving my blog to a dot.com domain on its own.
But anyone care to guide me on how to do so? Like move my current blog, not just start a new blog somewhwere...

Thank you. (I am a computer illiterate, but I am willing to learn)

Ungrateful?

I think, it is just me against myself.
For the passed few weeks, I've been randomly getting upset over petty issues with the bf. Late calls, late replies, not enough attention from him...and the list goes on.
I don't know why, I'm just so filled up to the brim with negativities, that at one point, I thought I was suffering from depression, or rather, maybe I did actually suffer from depression?? Who knows.
Sobbing over webcam, complaining about the bf's lack of affection and lack of attention had been a daily issue until at last, thank God, I finally came to my senses that I need to have a life of my own. Either that, or I'll need to look at things on a different perspective. I thought it over and over, I told myself, I've gotta do something before it's too late.

So far, I've been on very good track for one week already, and I can see the bf is enjoying our webcam session recently.
Sometimes, I do feel ungrateful. I don't know why all the fuss over insufficient attention and the inadequate time allocated for me, when I think, he has done, what most guys can't do, or rather prefer not to even try doing.
It is a daily routine, out of willingness, not demanded from me, morning call to inform me he is up, and going to class. 11am+- he'll call to tell me he has a short beak. 1pm, another call to tell me he is having lunch break. 2pm+-, call to inform me he is going for class again. 4.30pm, call to let me know his class has ended. Rush home, webcam a short moment with me, then it will be my bedtime, and his dinner time. I'l sleep, wake up early in the morning, which is his night time, and webcam for another half an hour to an hour, depending on his mood, and mine.
And despite all that, I go about complaining that I feel neglected, Every. Single. Day, without fail.
Sometimes, I wish someone would tell me how to feel happy now, be thankful for the present, and stop worrying shit bout the future. Cause, obviously, I'm having a wonderful present, no?
All I care about, day and night, is to worry whether there will be a day that he'll wave goodbye to me for someone else. At times I get so pissed off at myself, because why wouldn't it be that one day I'm the one waving goodbye to him instead? Why must I be so negative? And why wouldn't it be that I'll be happily married to him instead? Why must I surround my thoughts only on how people will hurt me, and how I'm so destined to be unfortunate?

Looking Good Is Vital??

I was having this conversation on how to spend your pay, when my friend told me he puts aside RM200 per month specially to buy clothes. Shock, I asked him, how many ways can a guy dress to impress? It is ridiculous for a guy to be spending rm200 every month on new clothes. As he explained on, he said it is to buy himself a new suit of working attire every month.
Finding that statement even more ridiculous because male working attire is so simple, no one will notice it if a guy has been changing his formal blouse or his pants.
My dad has a closet filled from left to right with all light colours shirt, and many different shades of brown, black and grey pants. But throughout my life of observing him preparing to work, I hardly ever see the difference even with him diligently pairing his matching shirt and pants.
However, one thing this guy commented seems to strike in me hard and sound.

" I makesure I dress well. I need to look good to give myself the extra boost of confidence."

This is one point I have noted, thought over it. And realised, my lack of confidence, could be stamped from the very basic of, I don't yearn to look good. No, I do want to look good. But wanting to look good, and actually trying to look good, is two totally different issue.
Being so petite, and standing only at 150cm tall, my bestfriend (170cm) has always been telling me, "you need the extra height. you have all the reason to be wearing heels. why don't you wear heels?"
I guess, I do desire very much to be able to look stunning, or at least professional enough when I go work, but because having this embedded belief that short people is bornt out to fail in looking good, I basically rarely go the extra mild to ensure I am well dress enough to gain respect from people. Or rather, appropriately for occasion.

I remembered doing my internship for this well established firm two years ago. I always look around and asked myself, why do everyone look so professional in their formal clothes while I could be easily identified by clients as a trainee. But my question just stopped there, without going further to the core of the problem. Now, looking back, I could see the whole lot what differences in my dressing with the people there. I wore skirts which are way too long and oversized for me, and I didn't even bother alterting them. I wore short sleeves shirt daily, while people were all clad in long sleeves shirt. And the worse part is, I didn't even know that working clothes should be tuck in, let alone to even iron them. I wore shoes that were fit for my mum.
Now i totally understand why did my senior said this to me:
she:" You rememeber the very good looking guy I showed you in the picture?"
me: " yes? why?"
she:" he has a girlfriend already. and I can't believe it. he is so good looking, why did he chose such a plain looking girl. she is not ugly. but not pretty either."
me:" like how plain?"
she: " like YOU!"
No, she wasn't joking when she said that. Ah, yes, at that point, it did make me wonder, does it mean, someone that look like me don't deserve good looking guys? Hmm...something for me to ponder....

This 1st September, I am going to start working. I have set my mind firm on one thing. No matter what happen, I must makesure, I too set aside some money to invest in my working attire just like my friend above. I want to look good. I want to go the extra mild to look professional. I want to give people a positive first impression. I want to build some confidence in myself.
I. Will. Succeed.

Confidence is an ongoing issue in my life. Sometimes, I just hope I am borned few inches taller, and I won't be suffering that much now. And I thought confidence is of internal factor, but mine, is very much affected by my height issue. When I was a teenager, dad even told me he pitied me, and asked me whether I'll like to go for surgery in China to "pull" my bone??
Maybe, I'll start wearing more heels. Maybe, I'll start reading up more on fashion for petite. Maybe..., all I have to do, is just learn to embrace being petite.

Current obsessions..

*a pic of me eating in pizza hut*

I don't think I need to go over and over in my blog that my past, current and future obsessions will always be my quest for the best make ups and skincare. I'm a vain pot. Who isn't?

However, truth be told, I'm actually taking this wonderful opportunity that my bestfriend, Ning, is back, to learn more bout how to ensure a working relationship.
I am no noob in relationship. Neither am I an expert in one.
The only thing I jolly well know is that, trust must be present in every relationship. Respect, and followed by, good communication.
Recently, I don't know what is going on. Whether God is blessing me, and guiding me through a smooth journey. Or was it all just pure coincidence??
Since boyfie got home, we have yet to get into any big fights, and even my "merajuk-ing" time wouldn't last more than 15minutes.
I'm a VERY, extremely sensitive girl. Every little thing, I'm able to create a havoc out of it.
But nowadays, whenever I think boyfie has been neglecting me for quite some time, and when I was just about to QQ (china msn) him, his message will reach me first, asking me, what am I doing.
When he is out with friend, and I feel he has not contacted me for some time, as I pick the phone up preparing to make a fuss, his message will reach me first, telling me he will be back soon, and that he'll look for me over QQ.
I feel weird. It is like God is helping me to avoid any unnecessary quarrels and fights. Giving me some peace. Lessen my doubts.
I dare not feel happy or overjoyed with the current situation, as I know too overly type of emotions will just lead to major disappointment when things suddenly just fall flat again.
But I just want to take this opportunity to thank God, for at least letting me have some uneventful but easy going life and relationship, and to have my bestfriend, Ning, here to enlighten me on how a relationship should be managed, how trust should be embedded in the mindset, and appreciate my bf as he is now.
For the part on my relationship, I'm contented, and thankful.
For the part on my job search, I'm hopeful, and praying.

My biggest obsession with life now, is very much to keep learning. Not merely on academic stuff, but more on how to look at life, and improve myself.

An extra friend

Ok, this is just a random pic for today.

I've finally learned well from what my dad has been trying to inculcate into me all this while.
Whenever I come home to complain and curse at certain people/friends, dad will always say the same thing, "be good to others. you never know when you'll need ppl's help"...

Of course, the stuck up me, will always shut my dad up by telling him that I have dozen of capable friends who will always be there to help me.

Roughly bout a year ago. Some friends and I attended the tutorial class of another group of students. This particular class rep was very furious at us for dominating part of the seats in his class, he asked us to all sit at the back of the class.
Out of anger I scolded him in front of the entire class. Embarrassed the shit out of him.
Therefore, whenever we bump at each other around college, we'll look away, or just put on this, "i don't give a shit at you" face.

Thank goodness, before I left UK for Malaysia, my friend asked me whether I'm willing to help her pass some stuff to a guy called XX, that is THE class rep who happened to be the next batch coming to UK. After hesitating awhile, I thought, well it should be about time, I make peace with him, and also, well to not have to look away from him anymore.
I agreed. Met up with him. Spoke politely. Showed him around. And little did I expect myself to be in contatc with him anymore.

Now that I am back in Malaysia, and suddenly out of my sane mind, decided to go back to UK. I needed the visa letter from my university. Couldn't enlist any help from anyone known.
I then put on a thick face, and wrote a facebook message to XX explaining my situation, and asking him whether he is able to help me.
He replied politely, and days later actually went to work things out with the University for me.

Lesson to be learnt here. It really is best to have an extra friend than enemy. Always look at the good in one, and never the bad. You will not know when will you be in trouble, and who will help you in the end.
I sure did learn mine well. And thank God it isn't late to do so.

Thoughts flying about

This life of mine, I look back, and wonder is there anything that I would love to change about it??
Very often, people said that, everything in life happens for a reason. You'll fall, stand up again, and learn from the mistake, make sure no more falling again, but you'll eventually still fall *chuckles*, stand up, learn from it, try avoiding the same mistake, fall again, stand up, learn again, and be more careful, but you'll fall again........stand up, learn.......Gosh!!
Now, I finally understand how life works. Falling is unavoidable in life.

I am so torn apart. Many decisions to make. Some will lead to happiness, and some to sadness. Some will gurantee short term pain, but long term joy.
I hate to think that every decision in life, we make it, and we shoulder the consequences. No such thing as pointing fingers at others. And no such thing as blaming people for giving wrong advices.

At times, I tend to wonder whether I should be grateful for these things that are happenening to me now? Or these are just temporary situations that will lead to mass destruction of my life one day.

Follow your heart...oh, follow your heart....
Gotta follow my heart closely, and pray for the best.

How many ways can you pose with Pisa tower?

Ever wonder how many ways can you pose with Pisa tower??
I am no professional, but here are some shots.
Me likey!!






I'm heading home this 30th April. That will be like...SOON.
I have mix feelings bout it.

But honestly, I am really looking forward to going back Malaysia.
Nicer food, cheaper shopping paradise, closer to family, more friends, more happening places to hang out...and I'm so looking forward to banging my luck on getting a job in Singapore.
*pray hard*

The only reason that is holding me back, is, my darling bf will be left alone here.
I'm not quite worried about straying bf as i know my bf is quite trustworthy. I'm just feeling sad, because I know he'll be sad too.
Just like how he keeps telling me, that I'll need to take good care of myself, and make sure I'm happy always. Eat well, sleep well, work hard, study hard for my last ACCA paper, score well, and wait for him to visit me.

This is one guy in my life that I know, if things don't work out for both of us, the last thing I'll feel for him is HATE.
Though we've had our ups and downs. Just like all couples do. He has shown me love, enough for me to know and understand, how does being loved feels like.

For now, I'm just grateful to have him...<3

Proud to be a Malaysian...for once...hah!

Pictures of the day....a trip to Bicester Village....

******************************************
They say, "you gotta lose it, before you learn to appreciate it"
Now, I am going to proudly proclaim myself as a Happy Malaysia citizen.
Staying in UK for this past few months have taught me to see how being a Malaysian bring so much advantage to myself. Besides realizing that we are very privileged to be allowed the golden opportunity to learn our language, as in, Chinese.
Malaysia is where we belong. And where we should feel grateful of being in. Regardless of some unfair circumstances that arise, we can, however, call Malaysia our much beloved home.
Being Malaysian, we are free to practice our desired language, say, chinese, malay, english, hokkien, cantonese...hakka...
I always love it when YP brings me out to meet some of his friends, and they will be so amazed that I could speak Chinese language....they usually ask me, like,
"how come you can understand Mandarin (chinese language)?"
"because I am a Chinese??? *duh*"
"but, you're from Malaysia"
"so? I attended Chinese school back then"
"you have Chinese school??"
*Ah-bo-then????*....obviously, I didn't reply that way.
Why I love being a Malaysian? Cause I can understand Mandarin!

And this particular scenario that got me feeling amused by myself, the fact that we, Malaysians, are indeed different, because we understand many languages.
I was sitting at the train station, waiting....and there, by my side, were three Malays.
There are many China Chinese in Birmingham, and one will least expect yourself (if you're a Malay) to be seated just next to one, who is from Malaysia. Hah!
So, being oblivious to the fact that I could understand what they were speaking, they started cracking random jokes. The guy was hilarious. And the two girls were laughing along.
I nearly burst out into laughter too, but I was adamant not to let them know I am a Malaysian, cause I wanted to listen to their conversation. Hah!
Why I love being a Malaysian? Cause I can understand Malay language!

I realize that, because Malaysia emphasizes a lot on English, we are somehow, brought up to speak proper and fluent English. We don't face communication problems here. Just like how, most China students, they struggle a lot due to language barrier . This is what got me thinking, that I thank God, I do not need to deal with such thing.
Why I love being a Malaysian? Cause I can understand English!!


I am so tired, I just came back from a trip to Cardiff, and Liverpool. Liverpool football club is such a disappointment. Nothing comparable to Man U stadium at all. This is such a sad thing to all Liverpool fans out there. Lolx...
Anyway, pictures will be up in my next post, I guess....

Fear??

*********************************************

What I'm going to blog about has nothing to do with these pictures. These are just photos of my Poland trip. Kinda miss snow, now that it is gone. How weird and ironic human can be.

Ok, back to my topic of the day.

F-E-A-R!

These days, I've been watching tonnes of horror movies. I was never really a big fan of scary, blood splattering movies. With constant scenes on how the bodies are being cut up by some psychopath, or eaten up by zombies?? EEewww.....

Last night, this horrendous movie, " The Hills Have Eyes", was the last straw. I could not put up with any of these anymore. I was telling YP, to stop downloading all these fuck up movies. It is bad enough to be imagining spiritual stuff and ghouls, now that I have to add to the list with blood thirsty cannibals and dead bodies walking around - ZOMBIES! I am so gonna swear myself off any dark place. Such movies DO NOT do any good for one's mental or physical state. My advice.....STOP WATCHING!

However, if you're a big fan of horror movies, I would like to hightlight one point here. Do any of you realise, that there is something common with all the horror movies?? The coward one always either die first, or they end up dying no matter what. None of the movies allow the coward character to successfully walk off at the end of the show, with the hero& heroin.

And the best part of it, every movie, will definitely have a coward character, who choses to leave the team, or to act stupid, like start shooting randomly, or walk about challenging the predator, whereas, the hero and heroin will like, hide and start drawing out a wise plan to escape. =.='''

It often makes me wonder...if it happens in real life, how likely is it for someone to say,

"hey guys, if you people insist on proceeding down this tunnel, I'm leaving, I'm so going to walk outside on my own, and I'm fucking sure I'll be able to get myself out safely."....and the next minute, you see this Mister Macho, striding off on his very own rescue-himself mission....????

I will personally chose to stick to my teammates/friends/group of people.....for better or worse. As I strongly believe, the more, the better.

I guess I better stop now. Why am I even thinking off rescuing myself from such situation?? Shit, you know what's running through my mind now??

the movie, "SAW"....you'll understand why, if you have watched it before.

"ssshhhh...."

Does it exist?

He : What is darkness??
Me: When you can't see anything.
He: Why can't you see anything?
Me: Because there is no light.
He: Darkness is when there is absence of light.
Me: So?
He: Darkness does not exist. Only light does.
Me: Hmmm...
He: What is sadness?
Me: When there is absence of happiness?
He: Sadness does not exist too. You will only see sadness, when you don't see happiness. So,you have to find happiness. Appreciate the things you have, and you'll be happy.
Me: Like what?
He: Everything that you have now. Even drinking water can be something great, if you learn to enjoy it.

*********************************************
I acknowledge that there are like a zillion doctrines, and motivational beliefs to get life going.
To make the fallen feel a sense of worthiness. And to help the doleful souls get through everyday with a smile.
However, recently,I have the tendency of slipping into a world that is so alien. I search so deep down into myself, trying to unveil what is truly in my heart.
Trying to understand myself once again.
For I think I have lost grip on my sentiment. Behaving indifferent to everything around me.
Friends kept reminding me, of how ungrateful, and unappreciative I am towards the opportunity that befalls me.
"DO YOU FREAKING KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD DIE TO BE IN YOUR SHOES? YOU ARE IN UK NOW. CAN YOU PLEASE APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!"
*ZZzzzz........................*
The faint roar from my bestfriend is stil ringing in my ears.

My random thought for the day.

I visited Cadbury World last weekend, and here is a shot from my Cadbury album. The rest, is posted in my facebook.

**********************************************************************************

And so I was taken by surprise when I read it.

However, I was filled with joy and happiness. It was just plain weird.

My senior chatted with me over msn after some time of us not updating each other about our life.

And yet, that very day, he 'msn-ed' me, "hi, how are you?". As usual, I started typing non-stop, until his message popped out..

"I just want to tell you......

............I plan to propose to my gf this Dec!!"

Like WHAT?????????!!!!!!!!!!!

That instant moment, all I could do, was to smile to myself, from ear to ear. And really, up until now, I stil wonder why was I THAT happy? LOlz...

I don't know...maybe because all I could imagine, was how that girl is going to be wiping off tears of joy from her face. Too bad I can't be there to witness it.

Part of me was also pleased to know that this senior of mine, that I have look up to all this while, and has been a great inspiration to me, is also a wonderful guy, who is going to make a girl's dream come true.

I am sure, not every girl in this world, or rather, it is very unlikely to come by, a girl, who can proudly announce to the world, "I AM GOING TO MARRY MY FIRST AND ONLY BF".

And yes, trust me, my senior is her first, and last bf too.

I know, never in my life will I ever be able to say such thing...but to know that fantasy like this does exist stil, is like a little kid, getting to witness Santa "butting" his way down from the chimney!

Unfortunate incident does happen to most people, but it doens't mean that fairy tale does not exist.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

So many things to blog about

I'm starting to get the hang on blogging.
I realise that blog is the only place I can express my feelings, emotions, whether it is a bad day, or an uber fabulous day. Everything can be written down without giving a damn about trepassing people's privacy or offending any parties.
Cause I strongly believe that blogs are personal, and everyone has the right to write any shit they want, ranging from being a mean of releasing stress, or throwing virtual tantrums, or just to narrate a series of randomness.
Don't get me wrong here. I am not a go go supporter for people who misuse their blogs to spread wrong info, or condemn others (though this is fairly justifiable). Cause I do acknowledge the fact that human has different brains and therefore, will have significantly differing opinions. And if readers are against whatsoever opinion suggested by the bloggers to the extend that they loathe the writers, it is wrong to sprew out ill comments in other people's blogs, as I always agree with the statement that "if you don't like it, then don't read it". It is not like the bloggers actually pay random people to stuck their heads into their blogs, or point a gun to your head and make you go through the blogs.
Everything is done based on free-will basis.
I just simply don't understand why some people love to take the trouble..yes TROUBLE to browse through blogs and leave pathetic,unkind comments.
You must be wondering what happen to me, right?
Lolz...no, nobody left any unkind comments to me before.
I am just writing thinking of how I used to stumble across some famous bloggers's blogs whose comment box was chalked on with sick comments. And how i used to laugh reading at how other readers trashed the anonymous fellow back.

*The hardest part about losing love, is finding your way back*

I need so desperately to feel happy again.

Oh dear God,

Please take away the pain...
Please make me smile again...
Please lift the burden off me....
Please show me that I can see the sun again...
Please make me believe I can stand again...
Please wipe the memories out...
Please let me be stronger...
Please guide me through this journey....

I feel like I've placed one foot into the grave.
I need help.

It is part and parcel of life after all?

Everyday I wake up, with numerous questions running through my mind.
-why did this happen to me?
-why wouldn't he love me back the way I love him?
-didn't I deserve to be loved?
-was my love not great enough?
-didn't I try hard enough?
-was he just fooling me right from the start?
-why was there a need for me to constantly beg and plead in my relationship?
-will I ever be happy again?
-how can I move on after such painful ending?

...........................and as I keep myself busy with more important things in life....there is no way I can get rid of those bugging questions. The word "W H Y" just makes my day even harder to get through.
There are like millions of things in my heart, thousand of thoughts in my head, that I want to write out. But I fail to describe how I feel, and what is repeating in my mind every now and then, in the most precise way.

And then, I stumbled upon this blog....
http://teycindy.com/ (titled : The Frog Prince. Sep 5th)

This is like a fantastic article that I'd like to share with my fellow friends.
What was written in there, is what I feel everyday. Exactly!
I think, I can take comfort, that at least, in this world, I ain't the only living being that was taken for granted in a r'ship, or went through a shit relationship, or at least.......stil gets sad over it...no matter how much I was hurt in it.

Memories..

I’m finally back to home sweet home.
It’s weird how feelings, and thinking change in just a spilt second.
Once, I used to adore the idea of being in KL. Skyscrapers, big malls, nice clothes, trendy people, I am always at awed by all these.
Now, I hate KL. I despised it so much. For everywhere I go, everything I see, I see memories I hope can be wiped out.

Few days ago, lunch farewell was supposed to be a nice one…until they talked about playing pool. Pool was my favourite game, and is still my top love. But at the moment, I just hope all pool tables will disappear.
Just to travel from one place to another in KL, causes so much soreness to me. But, as much as I can try avoiding, I can’t totally NOT pass those places, or really NOT step into there.
Like what I was telling Chia How, that I am really scared to go certain places, I hate it here so much. He shrugged it off, telling me, “Oh well, you never know, maybe after 8 months in UK, Mid Valley collapsed, KLCC bombed. You never know.”

I was so engrossed in trying not to think so much, not to look around, for just standing in the LRT itself, is painful enough for my heart to swallow. I entirely did not notice where I was heading to. I was heading to meet Kitti for dinner…and she asked me to stop at Taman Bahagia station. Little did I realise,I was bringing myself to face my nightmare, face to face.
Once I got off, I stared right into the familiar surroundings…a call to Kitti, and she asked me to wait at the bus stop. Tears instantly came rolling down. And I was cursing the hell out of Kitti for wanting me to come over here. Trying not to look pathetic, I pick up my phone, called Kat, and chat with her till Kit arrived.

I really really loathe the idea of staying put in KL. Flood my head with reminiscences that I desperately want to erase. If only our brain can work like a computer… “control-alternate-delete”..and “boom”…everything gone! Reminds me of the show ‘Doll House’…they extract whatever memories they want out from the person’s head, and insert other memories they want, into the person’s head, so that when he/she wakes up, he/she will remember herself as a different person. Sounds kinda scary actually, if such technology exist in reality.

But this is what I have learned…
The more you try to avoid, the more you’ll bump into it.
The more you try to get rid off it, the more it’ll haunt you.
The more you grab on it, the more it’ll slip away.
The more you hate it, the more you’ll learn to love it.
And when you truly love it, that’s when you’ll lose it.

This is life. Or at least, my current belief in life.

How can my tears roll down again...

How can this happen again?

After the 3 days of continuous crying.....I put an abrupt stop to it. *it's all about determination*......up untill today..I would have been proud enough to announce that I am finally strong again....but then...

........when I open my room door, staring back at me, the Mashi Maro....so innocent, so empty.
It shatters my heart all over again, thinking of what lies ahead for it. And tears couldn't stop rolling down my face.

I want it to be loved. But I can't keep it, it only reminds me of my miseries.
I can't send it back, for I know it won't be loved there either.

What can I do?

Tarot cards.

I am definitely NOT a believer of tarot cards. But, currently, out of boredom, and out of curiousity, I invited my friend's sis to a tarot card reading session which she so claimed to be accurate. I thought, at least, it'll give me something to ponder about.

I have been to one years ago, and my my.....the cards were all wrong, the interpretation sucks. And it cost me RM35! I didn't think it was a waste of my money. I love mystical stuff, requires lots of wondering, and at times, leaving you struck.

I'll quote what the internet says about tarot cards:

"Tarot cards have been used for hundreds if not thousands of years to gain insight, see patterns, give counsel and even predict the future. No one is exactly sure how the Tarot works. One theory is that all things are connected and nothing happens by chance, and that the Tarot, like the I Ching, is simply a method of revealing these workings of interconnectedness or synchronicity. All that really matters is that the Tarot does work. "

It does make sense to me. But, seriously, I believe more in, I, make my own destiny. However, one point has kept me wondering about this statement I love to make, "does coincidence, happen coincidentally?"

Cause, this ain't a joke, man. So, the story goes on...

I sat down, and the psychic asked me, "what would you like to ask?"

I turned to look at my friend's sis, blankly, *what the hell am I suppose to ask*

(look back at the psychic), I told her, "everything, anything people often ask about"

So, she proceeded..spread the cards....very sambil lewa-ish...."pick ten cards, with left hand ONLY!~"

Fine....me...pick...pick..pick...

She....arranged...arranged....arranged...

(she, look up at me).."you going oversea to study?"

WTF!!!! Me....shock! Me...lagi puzzled! Me...amazed! Me...speechless!

And the whole session went on...and on...with her reading stuff out from the cards...and me...(would have grabbed at my head in surprise for every shit that she said that took me off guard...that I NEVER thought she could read out from the cards..which is freaking perfectly ACCURATE! and PRECISE!...) *WTF!*

At some point I look at her, I'll imagine me sitting opposite a witch? A gypsy lady? Don't know...it's just weird.

After googling awhile over the net, I found this:

"No one is exactly sure of the origins of the Tarot. One theory has them firmly tied to the teachings of the Jewish Kabbalah, with the 22 cards of the Major Arcana corresponding to the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet. Another theory would have them used by the Masons of ancient Egypt. Still another has their form influenced by the practices of Tibetan monks. In any case, the first decks weren't seen in Europe until the 15th century when they started showing up in Italy.
Please keep in mind that the Tarot is not is "evil" or "magic" or even "psychic". It is important to remember that the cards have no power in and of themselves. Each deck is empowered by the belief system of its user, and consequently Tarot card meanings may vary slightly by culture. A person might be drawn to an Egyptian, Celtic, or Native American deck, for example, depending on the myths and archetypes with which that individual most identifies. But no matter which deck you favor, remember: the cards can be used to reveal situations and events - they cannot create them. "

Oh..whatver man...I only know that there wasn't much bad stuff out from my cards only for the -YOU GOTTA BECAREFUL WHEN YOU DRIVE THIS MONTH-

Would I believe it? NO! (I always say, listen to the good stuff, and ignore the bad. Dwelling in the bad, will just make YOU create the bad thing) and today I drove my car, the tyre, squash to the side of the pavement, couldn't go forward, neither backwards. Had to engage the help of one kind uncle (no, he's not that old..ahaha) to help me get my car out.

Coincidence? Haha.....you tell me.

<3

These Ferrero Rocher were given to me by someone. Things are picking up slowly, but steadily. Though still having certain bugging feeling once in awhile. I have learned well to take control of my emotion lately.
Love, to me is the biggest gamble in life. It is so flimsy, and fragile. Trust can be broken anytime, heart can be shattered any moment. And yet, though as bitter as it may be, some people choose to hold on. Stronger ones choose to move on.
At least, I can say, I am now at peace. I don't feel overly happy. Neither do I feel sad. Something deep in me, is helping me to cope with my daily life. Some sort of feelings that I find it hard to explain.
Anyway, this kinda remind me of a quote I heard fom the series-Heroes........


To Love,
may we stay away from it,
when it is no good for us.

Karma?

"Do you believe in karma?"

I love to ask this question to people around me.

"Do you believe what goes around, comes around?"

I do. I'm a strong believer of karma.

With such belief, I'm led to try my best, to do things in good faith. (I'm human, there are still times, when I have bad intention once in awhile).....
All through my life, I observe, and learn that, it's kinda true....
How you do unto others, is how others do unto to you.

Til recently, I have been left wondering...does it really work this way?
I'm starting to not believe in such thing. The principle that I have always held on to, all these years....to treat others well, then only will you be treated well too, is now shaken.
Sometimes, I wonder, if I'm being selfish....is it not wrong? According to Egoisme theory..(lol)...taking care of one's own welfare first, is in no way against moral practice.

I love to spend my time, self evaluating myself. I search for self improvements. But this current discovery of being selfish for oneself is proven to be not wrong, is really leaving me in dilemma.
I really hope I can further elaborate on my thoughts....but it would be permitting others to understand too much about my personal life instead.

I hope I can find an answer...if not...it's hard to have faith...to keep believing...to hope....and to trust.