What on earth happen???

Beware to those conservative readers...you are warned beforehand that this post contains uncensored picture..

I seriously do not understand how on earth did this happen. You'll be shock.
The bf, as usual attached this very amazingly cute pictue of two little kitties doing the Titanic stunt in one of his latest mail.

Being unaware of anything suspicious, I click on the exact mail few days later, to read the mail again, cause that was one of the most meaningful mail he wrote to me, and, imagine my shock when my cute little kitties turned into this very disgusting picture......
(and mind you people, the black coloured part, I drew it on my own, so that I won't be accused of turning my blog into some underage pornography section.
.
..
...
....
.....
.....
.......
........
........

Terrible ain't it?? I called up the bf immediately and ask whether he pulled a prank on me. He was dumbfolded. When he check back the mail, and to his utter horror, he saw this, he went nuts, cursing and scolding whoever, and whatever did this.
Up until now, we have discussed it over and over, yet could not come up with a proper explanation, to how did this happen....

Horrible passport size photo?

It is just too bad I don't have a scanner to scan my "actual" washed out photo and get it uploaded, you guys will be shock to see the difference after the photoshop.
Forgive my very ugly passport size pic. Not many people look good in their passport photos, or IC photos or whatever photos that are taken in that split of second, no? So, well, i'm no exception.
This shop in my hometown called Naga Emas has always been known to do some editing here and there to their customers photo before developing it. I've always had quite good luck with them, therefore, I headed over there to take another shot so that I can start applying for job.
To my utter shock. They over edited my photo, and I look like a transsexual (according to my sis) with a fake wig. DAMN! Paid RM13 for 8 pieces. So, now I open the CD to see the original photo, and my my....I do look normal here, and why didn't they just fucking wash out this photo without any editing??
They even "slim-kan" my face in the edited photo, make my complexion look flawless which I don't see for what as I have tinted moisturiser on already. Yes, they even got rid of the eyebag for me and the slight wrinkle at the side of my mouth as I smile!!!
I swear if I were to use the edited photo for a visa application, I will definitely be rejected! I couldn't even recognise myself in the fucking photo. I wonder what shock will my potential employer get when they see the actual me walking into the interview room, and the so "ah-kua-ish" picture I send in to them. Or maybe, I won't even be asked for an interview!
I guess, I'll just bring the CD and have the picture washed out by other shop that will NOT fucking do over excessive editing for me. Or rather, I prefer, no editin at all.

I don't look that bad in this picture, do I?? That I need such drastic photoshop until I look like some Thailand pondan *no offense to anyone*

Damn pissed off.

How will you feel,
if...
everynight, all you do is burying your head in tonnes of books.
everynight you worry whether you'll make it through your studies.
You drink coffee to keep yourself awake, and it causes you stomach ache.
All you want to do, is just to make your parents proud.
You have Uni exam on 24th Nov, ACCA final papers on 9th and 11th Dec.
With a 15,000 words dissertation waiting for you, and you haven't even decided on the perfect topic. Your heart desire for the best, and you want to do your best.
And a message popped out in your hp, after a long silence from your mum..asking you to chat on msn.
When the webcam is on, the call is through,
and all you hear is this....
"My friend's daughter passed one of her final ACCA paper, now she has one left. *yes. I have 2, what big difference does it make??!!* ...can you see..how people have proper planning, and take things one step at a time, and make sure she passes it. Look at you!!Just look at you!! *yes, look at your stupid daughter here with last 2 outstanding ACCA papers, and is pursuing a bloody master. Doesn't she know her ability is limited??!!!* ...look at people's daughter. See...people know what she wants in life. *yes, I do too, if not, why the hell would I be here??!I only know in my life, there is nothing as I want it to be like this, or like that. It is always, what can I do to make my mum proud of me.If I am given the bloody option to choose,I'll choose to rot at home.Choose to postpone my ACCA, choose to enjoy life here first, rather than to sign up for the ACCA papers, and having to deprieve myself of sleep and opportunities to visit around.*

Why can't parents learn to appreciate the effort their children put into living up to their parents dream. The outcome may not be as expected, but so what? At least, I do my duty well, and I bloody know so.
This is so depressing.

Living with man-eater.

How much do you trust your friends?
Trust them, that they will not betray you?
Trust that they will side you?
Trust that they will not take away what is rightfully yours?
Most importantly, trust that they will not meddle with your love life?

I used to believe so.
Used to be that naive.
To think that this world is filled with blissful angels.
But, then again...
I look back into life...
I see the cruel facts...
Fatcs about my friends...

Do they really care about me?
Do they really mean what they say?
Do they really do it, because of me, and not for their own advantage?


Song once told me.....
"No matter how much you trust someone, just make sure you keep secrets of yours to yourself. And only yourself. This is to protect yourself. Take my advice."

I thought he was in a post breakup mental state, that's what made him merepek so much.
But, now I thank him for his advcie. It's a good piece of advice...as I finally manage to comprehend the turth....

The truth that I'm living among
MAN-EATERS.

Girls...they can be pleasant, can be sincered...in just anything....not involving guys.
But when it's a case of you, your friend and a guy, trust me, even the bestest of friend, just might get into gruesome catfights.

I thought I was being helpful....by trying to heal my friend's broken heart. (she got dump).
I did everything I could to cheer her up. Asked her out for all-girls outings...put on the best makeup for her, choosed the nicest clothes for her....I was sincered in what I was doing.
I honestly wanted to just help.

But life took a cruel turn for me. Not only did she stand up again, with more self-esteem....and confidence, she took away the guy I once like. All attention was shifted to her. All my guy friends took notice of her.
She flirted with the guy I like, without the least consideration of how I would feel. (was I surprised? Not really....somehow...I could sense it coming)
And when she's at the winning point, she tried acting blissful, arranging a badminton session for me to play with a macho guy, whom she likes! (Not I like pun)
Using me as a bait (I wasn't aware), she got the attention of that guy too.
(Am I jealous of it? Nope. I really have no interest in that guy)

Now, I look back, and ask myself, why?
Why must it be...that I need to learn to distrust others?
Why can't friends learn to not mess with others' life?

If she's the only living being that tore me up unsrupulously,I won't be much bothered.
But, to my utter disappointment, I have started to unmasked one by one, faces of selfish, self-centred people living behind hidden mask of innocent looking, lovely people.

Am I that angelic? NO!
Then what rights do i have to complain?
-I really, really,really, did everything for my friends out of sincerity. It's just that I never expected myself to be paying such a high price for it.

Do I regret what I'v done?
-at times...yes....but mostly, I prefer to think positively (hope it helps)

So, to my dear readers out there, listen to Song's advice....it certainly would bring more benefit than harm to you.

Sickening asshole

Some people are such a hipocrit.
One minute they say like that, the next minute they do another.
Let me tell all of you about my experience with the world's greatest hipocrit.
Ya, now, is the most critical sem we are all having. With 3 professional papers up, everybody is slaving like mad. Hope is the only thing left we can cling on to.
And, out of great kindness I approached XX whether she wants to go tutition with me or not. I told her the importance of it, as our lecturers are not competent enough. I wanted so much for her to share with me something good (going tuition will help build up your confidence, and of course, let you better understand the subject), and you know what response I get????
" Go for what? Waste money, waste time".Hello! If you think you are smart, then just politely reject me, don't have to criticise my good offer,k? I wasn't even asking you to take drugs or smoke! Just say, no thank you lah!!!
Then....I slowly found out that she has been instigating my friend as well. Becasue when I ask my another friend whether wanna go, my friend replied me this, "I agree with what XX said, so I don't want to go." Fuck off XX! You told me you don't want to intervene with my group's business, then why are you brainwashing my friend????!If you think you are fucking smart enough, then don't go, but don't encourage people not to go as well.
Are you doing so just to console yourself????
Or are you kiasu, and you hope the whole world don't go, just like you?

Okay, the story takes a turn here...
Now, XX said wanna go for tuition. After she found out, people are all going. (which is of course against her will).
I can never forgive XX for being so brutal to me.Saat say one thing, saat do another. Selfish pig.
You don't tell people stuff like waste money waste time, when at the end, you, yourself are asking when is the due date for registration. What sense is this?
When Oi Siew approached me whether I want to go for another tuition, I was very reluctant.I so hope that she won't go as well. But I didn't dicourage her. Instead at last, I decided to join as well, and this is what I said to Suli. " I am going because, I am kiasu. " Yes, it's damn hard for people to admit something not good about themselves. But I said it there and then, I am kiasu, so I am going!
Why can't hipocrits just face up to the fact of telling people their true feeling. Eg: "I am kiasu, and I don't want to go, so I hope you bitches don't go as well". Rather than, "Oh, it's a waste of money, and time. Don't know how to ownself study ah?" Shit you hipocrits. Go to hell lah.
Know how to say say say, then at last, why want to follow the crowds?
Is it you're trying to learn from what people always say, IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM, JOIN THEM??
YOu know what, you're just a hipocrit.

Oh ya, to everybody out there, this blog of mine is not meant to offend anybody. I am just at the moment piss off, and need a place to vent my anger, with the hope I can be "mentally stable" again.

I am a big girl!

I am proud to say, I can now officially step into the casino, and also any clubs I like now.
I am 21 now. Hah! I wonder whether it's something to be happy about or not.
Being an adult, well of cause you get the freedom you want {+ certain limitations stil :-( }
I was given by my mum a really nice gold necklace! (love it!). And my dearest aunty-a gold key. (I know it sounds weird, cause my parents are supposed to be the ones giving me my key to freedom)
My darling daddy, half heartedly bought me a pair of CK sunglasses. I was so overjoyed. And I know, his heart must have hurt damn lots. haha.....it's just so hard for him to part with his money, he told me it's just this once only. No anymore luxurious birthday present when I'm older. :-(
But I guess, that should be enough. My wonderful friends made my day really memorable, they shared out to buy me a pair of white gold earrings, one side is a key, and the other is a lock! How smart of them, cause I sure do need both!
Suli didn't buy me any birthday gift, cause she doesn't celebrate birthday. But it's really kind of her to buy me a white gold ring, which I have wanted sooooooo badly. People around me are trying really hard to me my day great, and I feel so blessed to have known them (some of them, not all, some stil sucks)
Talking about "sucky" people....yes! yes! There really are. Some people they just give you a present out of obligation. Just because you give them, so they give you in return. No true meaning to it. Not sincere at all. Feel like throwing the gift at the person's head back. But...nono...I am not that barbaric yet. Must keep my cool.
But, really, I just want to let whoever is concerned, to know that, I give people gift because I appreciate them. So if I give you gifts, mean I do it sincerely. So if you don't feel like giving me, don't even bother to buy. Cause you will only embarrass yourself when I find out that you are giving the present out of obligation, just because I gave you one, you hurriedly went to get one back for me. I am not stupid. I can know when was the gift bought.And I know, it was bought after my birthday.
I am not poor. I have my own money. I don't need sympathetic gift.I can buy whatever I want on my own. So, if you don't feel like giving, just don't give. I won't feel offended.
I just want to thanks sincere, caring people around me for trying to brighten up my day. Love all of you so much!
I will upload my birthday pictures soon! Keep track here!

Sour grape!

I am writing today's blog to vent out some anger on some suckers who just love to wallow themselves in self-pity, then, try to rebuild their own confidence by slashing out on others, claiming that stuff that others own is not that good after all!!! SOUR GRAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have seen lots of different kind of people, and of cause, no one is perfect.Like the saying goes by, to ur is human. We make mistakes, over and over again. We require tolerance from others, as well as to give tolerance to others. It's all about give and take. But one kind of human being I vow never to show sympathy nor tolerance, and that is to all sour grapes out there! I would like to tell them, don't because people get soemthing better than you, you start condenming others. It's just darn obvious man, that who owns the better choice, so don't cheat yourself by saying, "thank goodness I didn't get xxx like you, aiyo! If not, my life would be a living hell just like yours!!" Gosh! face it man, sour grape, what I get is a zillion time better than what you're having. I may be working my ass off for this job I am having, but it definitely ensures me with a brighter future, greater chances of promotion, and better salary. Top it all,it's a reknown, well-established company. And to set the record straight, I did learn a lot from working there. And to all the staunch believers that working in a big company , you will just be doing rountine stuff, and easy job, STOP BELIEVEING SO! If you're believing it cause you are naive, then *time to change your old mindset*. If you're believing so because you wanna console yourself that you didn't make it to a big company, *get a life, sour grapes*
Please stop telling people how grateful you are that you did not make it to any big company, and you're happy being stuck in a SMALL company. Stop cheating yourself by saying how stressful working in a big company is, and that you will not want it.(cause I know you do). Stop consoling yourself by thinking you will have a stress-free, great life in a small firm. Because, just face it, you're not good enough to get in big firms. Even if you want to, you can't. It's not you don't want them, it's THEY DON'T WANT YOU.

To all sour grapes....learn to move on, please.Face it, admit it, improve it. Is it that hard??
If you can't get it, don't say it's not good. If you can't afford it, don't say others are wasting their money. What's wrong with facing up to defeat once in awhile?? I have been a failure all my life through, I admit it, change it, and now I am what I am.

Get a life!